I Have an Annoying Coworker *Update* About This Page:

[simbarel]

and she's been driving me NUTS so today I finally said something, and now I feel bad.

How do you handle someone who annoys the bejoosers out of you? Someone who always has a "better way" of performing tasks, or is always in your files trying to figure out how your work is going, or asking in a roundabout way if you're having your period, or completely ignores your curt responses and the fact you are wearing headphones, or constantly calling you "Good Girl!" when you perform the most menial of duties, or starts projects for you that you don't think need to be started for you, or is constantly proclaiming her own "martyrdom", or just plain thinks she's your boss when she's NOT!!!!

I asked a friend what I should do, and she said to go to our superior, but I decided I wanted to attempt to tackle the problem myself before inviting a third party, believing if it's my pain, it's my problem.

So today coworker came around my cublicle at noontime saying "Oh, you ARE here!" when I had been at my desk since 7am, but she didn't show up until after 11 (which I'm not complaining about) and I simply responded "hi" and put my headphones back on...only to notice her continued presence in the corner of my eye. So I took my headphones off, and she starts gazing into my computer with the usual "Whatcha doin'? Howzit going? Got any questions? What problems are you facing? Oh you're [performing menial task]! Good girl, good girl!" when I finally said:
"I think I can handle a lot of the duties that are expected of me. When I have questions that I want answers to, I always ask you. Sometimes I like to work the problems out myself, it's how I learn. Most of this stuff isn't brain surgery, so I don't need constant comments and applause."

I knew immediately that she was finally listening to what I was saying, and she explained that she just wanted to give some positive reinforcement. I told her I understood, and tried to lighten the mood. She ended up leaving sort of hurt, but not before she pointed out (in a jerky way, I might add) a simple error I made.

This always happens....someone will drive me up a wall for weeks and won't respond to my near-rude efforts to distance myself, and when I finally stand up for my sanity I'm sacked with a mountain of guilt. And in this instance, I was trying to tell her that I didn't NEED her help, and she basically pointed out that had made a simple mistake. Uuuuugh!

For real: how do people handle meddlesome, needling, needy, know-it-all coworkers? And what do I do next?

[ 08-07-2003, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: simbarel ]

[Laughaholic]

I can sympathize Rachel, but in a different way. The Customer:Associate ratio.

This is a pretty different situation, since it is different people all the time, but I know how you're feeling because for the sake of my job, I can't say anything.

People automatically think that just because I work in a supermarket, I couldn't get a better job. Well, I wanted to work in a supermarket, and for their information, I am a first honors student and I ranked 68 out of 323 people. (Including track 1 through 4, I'm track 2, and usually track 2 people don't get that high.)

Most people are very curtious. Others, like a man the other day are just plain rude. I was bagging the man's groceries. He had a book and sunglasses (aside from food) and also had a 12 lb Tide, and some frozen foods. I proceded to pack the sunglasses in a plastic bag. He stopped me and said no. Then, I went onto put the book in a plastic bag. Again, he stopped me and said no. Gave me a look, and put his stuff the way he wanted it. If he had given me a chance, he would have noticed that I was packing those two things seperately, to save him trouble in the long run. But, he treated me like a moron and acted like I didn't know my job. It's pretty embarassing.

I've had this happen a lot, and I haven't been working there more than a month. It makes you feel pretty bad, but I have grown to understand that there are pretty inconsiderate people who are going to be condescending, and you are not going to like it.

Thanks for letting me vent. [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

Kristin

[Kruggie]

I dont think you should be beating yourself up at all Rachel. HEE HEE! Chances are very good that this person has chalked up your little verbal assault to hormones....I am suprised she didnt flat out ask you if it was "that time".

Give her a couple of days and she'll be back with new and different ways to annoy you.

Suggestions:

when you sense her near, and you have your earphones on...pretend you are listening to the song "shoe fly, don't bother me" and sing along loudly.

Gather some crime scene tape and block off your cubicle after you enter....use masking tape to create a fake body outline on the floor.

Next time she refers to you as a "good girl" remind her that your not so good and tell her you intend on sleeping your way to the top.

Next time she suggests a better way of doing something...remind her that you would like to see things her way, but you cant seem to get your head that far up your butt.


~the object of the game: to annoy her more than she annoys you....could be fun if ya think about it.

[joyjoy]

Originally posted by Kruggie:
Next time she suggests a better way of doing something...remind her that you would like to see things her way, but you cant seem to get your head that far up your butt.

<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Arial">Yeah! Yay, that was funny, Kruggie. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

Rachel, I know exactly what you mean. I've got someone at my work that does that same passive aggressive bs and is also not my boss. I've not yet had a confrontation like you did, but could this work? Approach her at a time she's not breathing down your neck and (even if it's insincere) tell her you're sorry for jumping on her the other day, but you're frustrated by the way she hovers and critiques. I wouldn't bring up the fact that she pointed out some dumb little mistake as she stalked out, cuz that was obvious defensiveness on her part. Let that one go, even though it's maddening. It's sort of unpleasant, but if you approach her with a more submissive attitude (apologizing for something you shouldn't even have to apologize for!) it sometimes leads to a civil discussion and you might be able to get your points across to her.
You're never gonna be pals with this freak, but if you have to work together, maybe you can figure out a way to at least tolerate her.

Oh, if it's okay if I vent my own frustration.... the passive aggressive nasty I have to deal with? She married my BOSS about 6 months ago. And my boss is the HR manager. So I should complain to........ [img]images/icons/confused.gif[/img]

Good luck, Rachel.

[simbarel]

Kruggie, you're gonna get me in trouble for laughing out loud! That "shoe fly" suggestion is perfect.

I'm at work now so I can't respond fully (plus she's not here yet, so no incident to report) but I wanted to thank you for your suggestions and support.

Signed,
Not-so-Good-Girl, but better than what Kruggie wants me to insinuate [img]images/icons/tongue.gif[/img]

[simbarel]

Sharing the Family Room with Versafox, Colexi, Princess Lauren, and others kinda humbles me about my situation.

However...I'm happy to say I can relate the coworker incident to a crashing thunderstorm that puts an end to a sticky, awful, hot, hot day and cools the air and makes life more liveable.

Without having another awkward confrontation, today my coworker and I were able to respect one another's space and feelings and had about 3 civil conversations with each other. I'm quite relieved...and I also learned that she's leaving in November to RV around the country. She offered to sell me her log cabin, which was really nice of her, but the 100 acres around it are out of my price range. Sounds nice, though.

Thanks all for allowing me to vent. I'm better now.

[Shell_of_the_South]

Rachel, no need to feel bad about posting your problem here - feel free to do so anytime you need to vent! I'm glad to hear it's going better today. And yes, I have been in your shoes but I don't have any advice expect that going through it will make you a better, stronger person and a better co-worker to others! Good Luck!

[Kruggie]

Well, I am glad to hear that the nut will be leaving, and the fact that today was a good day! You dont even want to hear about my work day and the moron I had to follow....it is way to graphic for the boards as it involves Milk of Magnesia by the gallon and a nursing assistant who doesnt know how to clean up after a milk of mag fest.

[Colexis Mom]

Hi Rachel [img]graemlins/wavin.gif[/img] This is the place to vent, don't ever think you're situation isn't worth talking about!! We all have different things going on in our lives. I too have a co-worker like that, but it is more of one who just sits in my office and tries to talk forever while I'm trying to get work done. Kudos to you for being brave enough to say something. I'm not sure if I could do that (always hope that the phone will ring LOL). Sounds like it worked itself out in the end!! Good luck!

[ProChristo]

Hey girlie, I don't know how I missed this before, but I just wanted to say that I think you handled your snippy little co-worker quite well. Luckily, I'm not currently in a job that has workers like that, so I'm lucky. Glad you stuck to your guns!