My Dad is getting married About This Page:

[disneyjessi]

I just recently found out that my Dad was getting married. And even more recently...like Tuesday...found out he's getting married on the 25th in Maui. I thought it wouldn't bother me, but it really is. On top of it all my Mom sold the house my brother and I grew up in. She has to be out by the 18th! I asked if we could have one last family dinner and she acted like I was crazy. I'm usually not a sentimetnal person, but I am really upset about all of this. My Mom is moving to Ohio soon too, to live with her boyfriend. I feel like I'm being such a baby! [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img]

[rescuesk]

You're not being a baby...change is always difficult, especially when it happens to people that have such a profound place in your life. I had to sell my Dad's house (the house I grew up in) and move him into assisted living 15 months ago, and I still have sad moments, even though he is very happy! Do you have momentos of your home. photos, knick-knacks? These help ease the transition. Will you be with your Dad when he remarries? Or can you plan a special dinner when he gets back? It will help you if you make it a special celebration.

And you can always come here and vent to us! {{{Hugs}}}}

Sue

[TiggGrrrl]

You're not being a baby, Jessi {{{HUGS}}} This is a whole lot of difficult things to deal with at one time and you're reactions are perfectly normal. We're here if you need to talk any time! [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]

[Kruggie]

NOPE! not being a baby! Not at all. I know how I would feel and it wouldnt be very good. Perhaps you can explain to your mom how much you feel you need to say goodbye to the house, I think she may understand.....heck even if you go over and help her pack up some things, that would do you some good too....and who wouldnt object to some help packing! Plus, you may get the opportunity to see the house naked...so you can more easily picture how it used to look when you were small!

And your Dad, does it bother you that he is getting married in Maui, or is it just the fact that he is getting married at all? Or Both!

Sending you lots of hugs and pixie dust to help you swallow all this stuff!

[Suzie]

That's a lot to have to handle all at once. Regarding the house anyway, just remember that it is just a building, it is your memories that made it special. That helped me a lot when I had to sell my parents home of 45 years.
Suzie

[disneyjessi]

I don't know which it is Krugie. It just seems like my family fell apart so fast. When Gavin was only 3 months old my Mom "asked" my Dad to leave. He did and they both said they were going to go to counseling and work things out. Totally wrong. When my Dad left, he left. He didn't have anything to do with me or my Mom anymore. Which was REALLY hard. I had just started a family of my own and what I really needed was the love and support of my parents. Which I never got. My Dad swore he never cheated on my Mom. That's a big lie. I never told anyone, but I saw him on two occassions with his new fiancee. This was all before my parents ever seperated. LONG before. I think part of the upset stems from my Dad not knowing that I know he was unfaithful. Plus he has lied about every single thing. He lied about living with her. It was really ridiculous. Plus, I have only seen her three times! I've never had a chance to get to know her. I always thought that if or when one of my parents remarried I'd be kind of included in that family. Instead I've basically been disowned. If I call my Dad she always acts like she has no idea who I am. It takes her five-minutes to remember that my Dad has a daughter. Plus, I worry about what type of person she is. Her oldest son she disowned and won't even talk to her own grandson. Her middle daughter is 21, divorced and living off my Dad. Her youngest has been kicked out of four high schools and was finally arrested and put into a girl's home. And she's only 16! I mean it just goes on and on and on from there!!!

All in all, I just miss having a family. I miss our family breakfasts on Sunday mornings. I miss holidays. I miss the feeling of belonging. [img]graemlins/cry2.gif[/img]

[SarahJ]

Oh my, that's a lot of change all at once. You have every right to feel sentimental or upset about it all. I know I would. Hang in there!

[Kruggie]

Gee whiz Jessi, what a terrible time of it you have had. I can only immagine how you must be feeling. Especially when the happiest time of your life wasn't able to be shared with your mom and dad, as for they were going through the worst time of their life. I can't help but wonder if your dad's abscence in your life is due to his own guilt. He may just feel as though he has let you down terribly and has nothing to offer you. I am also willing to bet that his soon to be wife is scarred to death of you. I assume she knows next to nothing about you and has no idea how you would treat her. I dont gather that your Dad would discuss you with her often, especially seeing that they began seeing each other well before he left your mom. The two relationships were like two different lives being led and lets face it....men and relationships, well they need taught sometimes. So perhaps it is up to you to open that door. Maybe Sue had the right idea when she thought you should call him up and plan an after wedding dinner with them, then, you would get a chance to know her, and you can ease yourself into a more comfortable acceptance of their relationship, and your Dad can also become more comfortable as well, perhaps he is standoffish because he isnt sure of what your thoughts are....probably scared to death you will hate her. Not to mention the fact she has brats that make the children of the corn look like saints. He's probably going completly insain trying to figure that all out....he must really care for that woman if he's willing to take on her brats! lol!
Don't go and knock those Sunday morning breakfasts out just yet, give it time and patience
ya may end up with a bigger family than you bargain for! Then you can have them all over for a memorial day picnic in your neighbors back yard! LOL!

I will be thinking of you and your family, and sending along dust and prayers for healing,forgiveness, acceptance,and a huge happy family!

[img]graemlins/love.gif[/img] ((((HUGS))) [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]

[tikibird]

Jessi,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img] It must be very hard to have that sense of family slipping away. As for belonging, though, you have a little guy that sure needs you alot. [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img] Here is a big {{{{hug}}}} for you. You will be in my prayers.

[jams67]

Jessi,
What you are feeling is completely normal. I have been through that situation almost exactly the same. For me, it was very hard for me to accept that "something" had gone wrong. These we two people who I respected and loved with all my heart. I was 21 when my father married again. He too had been having an affair with her for about 18 years of my parent 25 year marriage. At their wedding there was no plaec for me and my siblings to sit up front (her family had taken up front rows on both sides) so we got chairs from the back and made our own. My sister, sisters-in-law, cousin and I all cried throught the ceremony. We did come away with a great pciture of the five of us eyes as red and swollen beyond belief. It's one of our favorites!
I think too, one of the hardest things to realize is that these are choices "mature"adults are making even though we may see them as a mistake. But just try to remember, these are their choices and they have to live with them. I think the best thing you can do is try to keep your relationship with both and most importantly try to keep a relationship between them and your children. It's very difficult but definately worth it when they realize you're not going to give up without a fight.
I will definately keep you in my prayers and your parents too. If there's anything I can do please don't hesitate to let me know.

Julie

[A. Monster]

You are definitely not being a baby! This is a lot to deal with - change is always hard, especially something like this. I don't have any advice to offer (my parents weren't together most of my childhood, and what I can remember of them together was ugly), but I can offer some cyber {{{hugs}}}, a dash of pixie dust *~*~*~*~*~*, and some prayers to help you through this. Sounds like you've got some good advice from the wonderful people here already, just always remember you can turn here when life gets overwhelming!

[disneyjessi]

Thanks so much everyone for listening. I'm still bummed,but I try to tell myself that things like this happen for a reason.

They are having a reception when they return from their honeymoon. I never RSVP'd because I wanted to talk to my Dad first. The invitation was for me and DH only. Since the only person available to watch Gavin was my DM...I really didn't want to have to deal with that. I called my Dad, but he was too busy to talk. He called and asked why I hadn't RSVP'd. I told him that I had tried to talk to him, but he's always too busy. I wanted to make sure he didn't want Gavin there, that way DH would stay home with him. He said he had meant to invite Gavin as well. When I asked where they were staying he acted like I was going to sabotage the wedding. I was only thinking of sending a bottle of champagne or something to kind of say congratulations. I thought it was a good idea! Oh well. I could shoot myself in the foot for trying so hard.

I don't think his fiancee has any reason to fear me. My Dad went on a vacation "alone" and called me out of the blue. He was frantic wondering what had gone wrong. I told him I didn't have a clue as to what was going on. He said that when he and Barb (oops) had gotten back to the hotel, a man had told them there was an emergency and he had to call his daughter right away. I almost laughed because all he had told me was that he was taking a trip. I didn't even know what state he was in. I asked if he had considered that one of Barb's daughters could have called and he almost hung up on me. After a few hours went by, knowing the 16-yo was home alone I decided to call her to make sure everything was okay. The family dog had broken its back and needed to be put to sleep. I talked to her a little while and told her if she ever needed anything she could call us. I know we're an hour away, but I'd drive up there. On their way back from their trip my Dad and Barb stopped by. She said her daughter had called to tell her I called. Barb thanked me for offering help and actually seemed shocked. So I dont' know what the deal is!!! I've tried to show her I'm not vengeful or angry. I would have called and offered help even if I hated her!

It seems that all my attempts are shot down. So my question is how many times do you try before you give up?? I think my stress level would be a heck of a lot lower if I just gave up. I have never had stess like this. I forgot to eat for two days...not that I couldn't stand to lose a few pounds. The plus side of being so upset that I can't eat is that my old jeans fit. It's just crazy. I'm disappointed in myself that I've been so upset. Usually it takes a lot to get me upset and even then I can deal with it or shrug it off.

[Heidi]

You seem to be doing everything in a positive way but they seem to want to think the worst with every situation. That is really unfortunate because it sounds like you are doing everything you can to keep things civil but they expect to come up against a wall whenever you talk. I wish there was an easy solution for you but just know you have handled this very well with them. As easy as it is to say don't let it stress you out, it's tough to do. I think they need to stop being so suspicious, in my opinion.

Sending you some more pixie dust~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. Now for the not eating, that isn't healthy for you. Try to get something down. You have to stay healthy for Gavin. I certainly hope things work out for all of you.

(Also, that was very nice of you too to call Barb's daughter. Putting her dog down must have been very hard for her.)

[kimdisneynut]

Tons of pixie dust and prayers are on the way.