Junior High boys - UGH! About This Page:

[LuvMK]

So here's what's going on....

My 13 year old son has three friends, two that he has been friends with since kindergarten, one that moved in across the street 2 years ago. They go to school together and hang out together nearly every afternoon, usually at our house, playing B-ball and video games. More and more frequently the other three are doing things together and not including my son. Last night they stayed overnight at one of the boys houses but did not invite my son to come. My DS says it doesn't bother him but he mopes around everytime this happens. [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img] My heart justs breaks everytime they do this! [img]graemlins/cry2.gif[/img]

So parents of Junior High boys (or some of you guys that used to be junior high boys!)...
why do you think they do this?
and what would you do to help the situation?

[AKLRULZ]

Oh gosh that is so tough and my heart breaks for the kid, too! You might encourage your son to invite the guys over to his house next time and just "be there" for him and let him know he can always come to you. Kids can be so dagone mean one second and such angels the next. I'm wondering if these guys feel threatend or jealous of your son, hence the exclusion. You might encourage him to branch out of the circle and foster new friendships in school - and is he involved say in a youth group at church? Our group at our church is so spectacular - might be a neat avenue for him.

Good luck - tell him to hang in there!

[GoofyMom]

That problem is not exclusive to boys. 13 year old DD is going through the same deal. She has Friend A she's been friends with since Grade 1. Friend A becomes friends with a girl who lives near her, including her with DD and Friend A's activities. Good, now DD has 2 friends, right? Well, kind of. Friends A and B walk to school together, then when DD joins them, they'll talk, then laugh, then look at DD and say, Inside Joke. They will invite her along to shopping trips and other activities they plan, but sometimes I get the feeling it's because they want me to drive them there. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img] They do invite her to sleepovers, but they hang out together without DD a lot too.

My advice to DD was to expand her friendships. Fortunately, DD is one of those kids who gets along with virtually everybody, so when she's feeling "Inside Joked" too much, she just takes off and finds another friend to hang out with. I think Friend A is finally starting to clue in a bit. It's so hard to watch your kid be left out. [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img]

[patty c.]

Our DD encounters the same problem. I think all kids go through this, but that doesn't make it any easier. I think encouraging lots of different friends is a great idea. The thing I really hate about all this is how they handle it. Some just clam up, and others can do some real inappropriate things in order to get the others attention. I think one of the best things we can do it just love and encourage them so that they feel secure and accepted and confident in who they are regardless of how others act. This is such a tough age - and we thought toddlers were hard!!!

[Suzie]

I too have seen this happen to my kids, and I hate to admit it but I remember doing it to one of my best friends. As I recall, we had been friends for a long time and then when we got to middle school, things just changed. I met some girls that I seemed to have more in common with and even though my old friend hung out with us for a while, gradually we just left her out of things. It wasn't intended to be mean, we just all got along so well and she didn't seem to fit anymore. I remember her mother calling my mother to find out why I didn't like her daughter anymore. At the time I only remember feeling annoyed, but years later, I felt pretty bad about it. Of course, my friend found others to be with and eventually it was not an issue anymore. We are still friends to this day, although not especially close.
In short, I think it is just the changes of growing up. encourage your son to make some new friends by having him invite others kids from school over even if they don't live that close.

[Janet 46]

My town is very spread out and there are at least 8 elementary schools. My son goes to one, but he's a Cub Scout in a pack at another school. I'm kind of grateful that it worked out that way, because in a couple of years, he'll be in middle school where he'll be thrown together with kids from 2 other elementary schools, and he'll already know a bunch of the kids from Cub Scouts.

I always worry about my kids being left out, because it happened to me in grade school and I know how heartbreaking it is. I know I have to let them lead their own lives, but I want to protect them as much as I can.

[Dumbo]

I remember those times. DS 1 was the square peg that didn't fit in any hole. Things were made worse by one boy who I think made things up about DS from Middle School right through High School. The good news. DS graduated from college almost 3 years ago and has a job he loves. The other boy has a job that will lead nowhere and no college.

hang in there. It's tough to watch your child suffer but things have a way of working out in the end.

[LuvMK]

Thanks everyone! I was still really upset about last night with the boys when I got up this morning but as the day has gone on I'm feeling better about letting him work this out. It is comforting to know that all of you have had similar situations with your kiddos.

He does have other friends that he spends time with - they just are not his nearby neighborhood friends.

They will invite her along to shopping trips and other activities they plan, but sometimes I get the feeling it's because they want me to drive them there.

<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Arial">GoofyMom - I feel the same way about these boys! It made me so mad I was ranting and raving about all the sodas and snacks they eat at my house! [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img]