Wedding Dilema About This Page:

[DebiDebiDebi]

So, we sent out 250 invitations for DD's BBQ reception (45 days before the event). I provided RSVP cards complete with Self Addressed envelopes. All my guests had to do is slap a stamp on envelope, check a box, write their names on it and mail back. It is now 18 days until the BBQ, and I have received only 53 of the cards back! Now, do I assume (yeah, right) that those who have not sent cards back are not coming? Or, will they show up and expect me to feed them? This is frustrating, as we are in a quandry as to just how much food we need to buy! Anyone have any thoughts, suggestions, therapists they can recommend?

[September]

I have to admit that I'm one of those horrible people who, if they don't respond right away, forgets about the RSVP card entirely.

I'm also sensing another problem (again, from my personal experience)...you said that the envelopes were pre-addressed, but not pre-stamped. In my house, this would be a problem, as we do online bill-paying & email/phone for correspondence--I don't think there's a stamp to be had anywhere!!

Finally, did you include an RSVP drop dead date (i.e. please respond by ______)? If so (and that date is usually around 2 weeks before the party, based on the caterer) you'll probably get a flood of responses right around that date.

Given the relatively small # of responses you've had, I wouldn't assume that all of the non-responses are negative. Generally, rule of thumb is that 20-25% of invitations are declined, and I've found this to be more or less true from parties I've thrown. If it's really crunch time you may want to consider calling each invitee...I know it sucks, but it may end up being the only option.

Good luck. Your daughter has a great mom to go to so much effort for her!!

September

[Dumbo]

I have to agree with September not including the stamp on the reply was a no no. (Sorry).
Did you enclude a reply by date? Doesn't always help but... Also a lot of people wait until the last minute to send the reply back.
Good luck. If there is a ton of food left over are we invited to eat??? [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[Ursunique2001]

I agree about the stamps, it takes me forever to mail things because I always have to go out of my way to get a stamp.

What I would do is prepare for the 250 people and if they don't show up make plans to donate the food to a needy cause or your church. I know when a friend of mine got married she had alot of food left over from the reception. It was not because the people didn't show up she just over estimated how much food they would need. What she ended up doing is packing the excess food and taking it to her church. They heated the food in the kitchen during service and at the end of the service fed whoever wanted to eat.

Unfortunately people never do what they are suppose to do and then they expect to receive the best. Don't let it put a damper on the day, just go with the flow.

Ursula

[DisneyNutMary]

Debbie, I know this might be an added expense, but why not start calling some of those who haven't responded....use the excuse that you weren't sure if they had received the invitation because you haven't received an RSVP. People sometimes forget, or just don't respond if the answer is no. On top of that, they may have failed to respond over the return stamp issue; just waiting to get to the post office, and haven't had a chance.

[DebiDebiDebi]

Actually, I checked several wedding etiquette books, and I was totally within my bounds NOT to put stamps on the RSVP Envelopes. The books said it was not unreasonable to expect guests to put on a stamp and mail, and I have received many RSVP cards myself, all without stamps. Yes, there is a "mail back by____" on the card too. We did receive 8 back yesterday, an improvement, to say the least. Just wondering what to do if I get a lot of guests there expecting to be fed, but who didn't return the cards. I guess I did not think this would be such a HUGE task for my invited guests to undertake...I obviously underestimated them. Should make for an interesting day!

[aurora1429]

People these days just don't know how to RSVP. And it really bugs the *&^% of out me. You through lots of planning and expense, have the courtesy to let me know if your coming. I RSVP as soon as I open the invite. It's not hard and doesn't take much time!

[DebiDebiDebi]

Thanks aurora1429, I appriciate the support!
One of our concerns was this: Mr & Mrs Smith sent back their RSVP, and requested steak. They arrive a little later than some and find all the steak gone because several folks who did not return the RSVP got there before them. A solution was offered to us, and we think this is what we will do:
A person with all the RSVP cards ( in alphabetical order, of course) will greet guests. He/She will give the guest their RSVP card to in turn give to the cook. That way they get what they requested, ( and if they are like me, they have forgotten what they requested, so having the card helps). For those guests who show up and expect to eat and DID NOT turn in their RSVP cards, they will be served chicken. This way, everyone gets to eat, and those who requested steak or ribs or chicken will get theirs, and those who did not take the time to return the cards will still have dinner, but not have choice. I think this will work fine, and that way we only have to buy extra chicken. What do you think?

[ 08-07-2002, 10:47 PM: Message edited by: DebiDebiDebi ]

[Janet 46]

I think your solution sounds fair. We had a catered sit down dinner and we had to assign each guest to a table. I made up a list for each table:
Mr and Mrs Smith - 1 chicken, 1 prime rib
Mr and Mrs Jones - 2 prime rib
Ms Brown - 1 chicken

and so forth. The lists were given to the wait staff and it saved them from having to go to each table to ask each person wanted. We did have a few couples who argued between themselves over who wanted chicken and who wanted prime rib, but at least we had the correct amount.

Are you doing the cooking yourself?!? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]

[DebiDebiDebi]

Janet 45: Nope, we have enlisted a gal from church to do the cooking, and there are several others who will assist her. I didn't think it would be right for us to be cooking, thought we should be mingling with guests. Anyway, we are keeping our fingers crossed, and hoping it all goes smoothly!

[Ursunique2001]

Debbie that sounds like a great idea to me. Sending prayers for a great day!