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Old 10-21-2009, 10:13 PM   #1
MinnieJen
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one more kiddo?

I have two beautiful boys and I love them so much. I love being a mommy and staying home to spend as much time with my family as possible. After I gave birth to my youngest son I was told it wold not be safe for me to have anymore children. It would be a big risk for me and the baby. So I have been trying to decide if I am only meant to have two children or if it God's way of telling me to adopt. I would love to have another child but maybe it is just not meant to be. If anyone here has experience with adoption foreign or domestic or maybe the choice not to I would appreciate the guidance and/or support.
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Old 10-22-2009, 09:11 AM   #2
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Well, if you are asking for opinions, mine is that you don't try to have any more children. I'm sure this is heartbreaking for you but please listen to the doctors and don't endanger your health.

Two of my friends have recently adopted internationally. From Columbia and Khazakstan (sp?) Both have BEAUTIFUL toddlers now who are happy, healthy and well adjusted. Foreign adoption was tough because it is very costly and the health of the children available was very much in doubt. My friends who went to Khazakstan had to spend 6 weeks there and it cost them $40,000.00 all in. From Columbia, my friends had to travel there for 3 days and the cost was about $20,000.00. The first step is to get to an adoption agency and have the experts tell you the pros and cons of various countries. Which countries allow foreign adoptions changes rapidly. The process will probably take about 2 years.

Sorry I know nothing of domestic adoptions.

I wish you much luck!!
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Old 10-22-2009, 09:22 AM   #3
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No advice for you, just sending pixies your way.
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Old 10-22-2009, 09:40 AM   #4
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I wish your family all the best whatever you decide.
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Old 10-22-2009, 10:15 AM   #5
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Old 10-22-2009, 10:47 AM   #6
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:40 PM   #7
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I have dealt with the products of foreign adoptions when they come into court as Children in Need of Services. I am sure that my experiences are not typical and there are many foreign adopted children (like natural born children) who will never come into the juvenile justice system. What I would be very wary of is whter the child could possibly have an attachment disorder. I would carefully investigate when the child had been (many overseas orphanages are very poorly funded and staffed) and try to adopt as young a child as possible.

If you go overseas and actually meet the children, I think it must be very hard not to want to take most of them home. You need to really think about what type of child you want to adopt and not give in to pressure to take a less adoptable child.

Good luck.

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Old 10-22-2009, 01:47 PM   #8
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You will be in my thoughts and prayers for your decision.

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Old 10-22-2009, 03:49 PM   #9
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No advice, just on making the best decision for you and your family.
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Old 10-22-2009, 06:12 PM   #10
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Old 10-22-2009, 09:13 PM   #11
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We have been on a very long journey to having children. We have been trying to adopt domestically for the past 4 years and are currently in the middle of another "attempt" that we pray will work out this time. You can PM me if you would like more details as we think we may have found a good avenue to adoption this time. Prayers &for your decision!
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Old 10-22-2009, 10:15 PM   #12
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I've thought about you and your question since right after you posted it. I've seen some really good, wonderful things with adoptions - both domestic (trans-racially and placed with same race parents) and foreign (Indian, Russian, Chinese, Cambodian, African, Romanian, Guatamalian, and the list goes on).

What I can tell you is this: it's a crap shoot either way. Stay away from any child, no matter where from, that is older than 1 or at the most 2 years. Be prepared for issues, no matter what. One of the biggest issues everyone I know who has adopted has had is that if the child is from over-seas, there is almost always a medical issue. Sometimes it's as simple as the child has worms or a really nasty ear infection and sometimes it's Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (only happened to one friend - kid was from Belarus).
For the most part, everyone I know who has adopted has been very happy with the results. Some of my friends have kids who are almost 30 - and they're wonderfully adjusted, normal adults. Some of them have kids who are preschoolers, and they are mostly just like everyone else, they just don't look like mommy and daddy.
The only true problem anyone I know who has adopted had was they adopted older kids (2 and 3 - brother and sister) and the kids had been so severe abused they had attachment problems and never really bonded. They also had anger issues.
So, I guess my biggest warning is simply - no matter where you adopt from, make sure they are VERY up front about the child's previous life.

I have a friend who is a surrogate mother - she's had 2 kids for other couples and is trying for another one right now. Have you investigated that avenue? Just a thought.
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Old 10-23-2009, 02:19 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
I've thought about you and your question since right after you posted it. I've seen some really good, wonderful things with adoptions - both domestic (trans-racially and placed with same race parents) and foreign (Indian, Russian, Chinese, Cambodian, African, Romanian, Guatamalian, and the list goes on).

What I can tell you is this: it's a crap shoot either way. Stay away from any child, no matter where from, that is older than 1 or at the most 2 years. Be prepared for issues, no matter what. One of the biggest issues everyone I know who has adopted has had is that if the child is from over-seas, there is almost always a medical issue. Sometimes it's as simple as the child has worms or a really nasty ear infection and sometimes it's Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (only happened to one friend - kid was from Belarus).
For the most part, everyone I know who has adopted has been very happy with the results. Some of my friends have kids who are almost 30 - and they're wonderfully adjusted, normal adults. Some of them have kids who are preschoolers, and they are mostly just like everyone else, they just don't look like mommy and daddy.
The only true problem anyone I know who has adopted had was they adopted older kids (2 and 3 - brother and sister) and the kids had been so severe abused they had attachment problems and never really bonded. They also had anger issues.
So, I guess my biggest warning is simply - no matter where you adopt from, make sure they are VERY up front about the child's previous life.

I have a friend who is a surrogate mother - she's had 2 kids for other couples and is trying for another one right now. Have you investigated that avenue? Just a thought.
I have heard good things about adoptions from Korea. That the children are healthier and "attached" to a foster mother during the time it takes to arrange the adoption. Maybe I am wrong?

We have not considered surrogacy at this point but it is something to think about. I really know very little about it.

Maybe I need to just move on and let the thoughts of a third go? It is so hard to know which way I am meant to be headed.

Thanks everyone so much for all of the support and pixies and advice. I love these boards!
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Old 10-23-2009, 02:22 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Huntermom View Post
I have dealt with the products of foreign adoptions when they come into court as Children in Need of Services. I am sure that my experiences are not typical and there are many foreign adopted children (like natural born children) who will never come into the juvenile justice system. What I would be very wary of is whter the child could possibly have an attachment disorder. I would carefully investigate when the child had been (many overseas orphanages are very poorly funded and staffed) and try to adopt as young a child as possible.

If you go overseas and actually meet the children, I think it must be very hard not to want to take most of them home. You need to really think about what type of child you want to adopt and not give in to pressure to take a less adoptable child.

Good luck.

Diane
Thank you for your kind advice. I have wanted to tell you for the longest time that we have a dog who looks so much like your Zoe! She is older and is getting white around her face but they look like sisters. My 3 year old gets so excited when he sees your posts because he thinks it is her.
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Old 10-23-2009, 02:45 PM   #15
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Good luck with your decision.
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