A STAMP OUT MEAN PEOPLE rant About This Page:

[Sandra Bostwick]

Hey there! THis is the time of year when it seems that all my old students or their parents are calling to catch-up and ask questions about next year. I work with all sorts of students preschool thru college. THe issues are as varied as there are individuals.

Here's my rant: Most of my kids have something that makes them different, something in their speech, the way they look or act, or maybe they are not as "quick" as the others. Maybe their writing is not up to par or their spelling is not great.

You know what becomes the biggest issues of all? Mean spirited behavior from their peers!

Can someone explain to me WHY people feel the need to exclude or belittle others? Why would anyone waste their energy making hurtful comments, even if they do it in the cowardly behind-the-back way? Mean kids spend so much of their time just gossiping about other kids or, worse, picking on them to their faces! I mean, really! Get a hobby! Read a book, kids!

I'd love to hear what people do to teach their kids not to pick on those who are not as rich, educated, social, or street smart as they themselves might be?

I'm curious, if you see adult acting that way, how many out there have the courage to say something to that person? Do you jump on the cruelty bandwagon? Do you figure that as long as no one finds out it's OK?

I'd love to hear comments on this!

[wendybell]

I agree with you Sandra! Our children look to US to learn how to treat others...it isn't enough to just say "be nice", you have to actually BE NICE!

[Danielle Harmon]

I agree Sandy! It breaks my heart. I think in some cases it is a defense mechanism for the one doing the bullying, but then there really are those out there whose parents teach them that as lons you are on top who cares how you get there. Kind of like a "if ya ain't first, you're last" kind of thing.

I teach my kids to be kind to everyone. You never know when you are entertaining angels! I hope that when they are out of my hearing/sight they treat others with kindness and dignity. If I ever heard about mean behavior from either, they would be in deep trouble. Unfortunately, one of the effects of my kids being kind and gentle to others is that they in turn become prey for those who are unkind. Why is that a "reward" for compassion and empathy?

As for other adults, if I see the behavior at work I stop it immediately. You would think I wouldn't see it much, but man...some folks act like they are still in High School. Outside in the civilian world, I do not tend to correct the other individual, but use it as a teaching tool to show my kids how mean behavior hurts others.

[GATechGal]

I absoutly HATE this having been the victim when I was a kid. And I'm seeing sort of a repeat pattern for my DS (not my DD though). He just can't understand why some kids feel the need to pick on other kids.

All their lives I've taught my kids that they have to be POLITE to EVERYONE. I WILL NOT TOLERATE bullying or mean teasing in any form and if I have heard that they are doing it they are in big trouble. Now they don't have to LIKE everybody, or even hang out with everybody, but they can't be impolite. So kids they don't like they need to try and avoid, but if they are thrust into a social situation (like a church youth group) where they have to interact with those kids, then they just need to suck it up and be as polite as possible.

I had to have a chat with our church youth director over this and her explanation is that in middle school it's almost like in the wild where the preditors are looking for the weak to attack.

All I can say is that as painful as it was to go through, it made me a better person. People that act that way tend to be very narcissistic - "I have to feel better about me so I'll put you down". It's really sad. Just insist that kids be polite. How can they argue with that?

[Gin7274]

I'll say something in a heart beat. I had a cousin (now deceased) who was mentally challenged. I lived with hearing people make fun of him, and I got in a lot of fights because of it.

I made sure my children understood the importance of being kind to others and to never make fun or belittle people what ever the case. We are teaching our grandchildren the same thing. I've always taught mine to go the extra mile to be kind, offer assistance, give a dollar if needed. We are a very service oriented family that has been taught through the generations.

Just want to add this. This week a young boy attending a school in the Atlanta area committed suicide because he was constantly being bullied. I think he was about 11 years old. People need to realize that what you say can make or break a person. Those wounds go straight to the heart.

I'll get off my soap box now.

[Desurae]

I just have to say that I HATE BULLIES!!!! Ok, deep breath.... moving on. Kids pick on kids for all kinds of things. For years my beautiful DD got picked on because she was taller (I'm 6 ft.... she's only gonna get bigger). Then it was because she was better at math... the next year it was because she wasn't interested in talking about boys (OK people.... 8 yr olds shouldn't be doing that ANYWAYS)!! It got so bad that I ended up homeschooling until we moved across the country. When I met the parents all I could say is "oh...... well that explains a lot". I think people use cruelty to overcome their insecurities and they pass that on to the kids, They think if they make someone feel low than that makes them better than them...... I was a children's librarian for years and I have to say that I became so jaded about people that I just couldn't take it anymore. Grown adults egging their children on to be mean, or just saying awful things around them as is they aren't there. The biggest bullies at school were the ones that would go the library and be treated horribly by their parents.
OK sorry, big issue with me..... I'll stop now

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Great thread Sandy!! I for one, will not jump on mean bandwagons and those near to me know it. I have no tolerance for mean and unkind people and will stand up for what I feel as right. I really upsets me when others won't.

I've worked with a non-profit organization for the past 11 years that runs schools for children with autsim, and programs for aadults with developmental and mental disabilities so my kids have grown up knowing others who are less furtunate than they are in many, many ways. They've become friends with many of these people and this has caused them not to tolerate unkind and mean also which makes me very proud.

[TMWIlson7196]

I agree with you. Adults are just as bad. I work with several who act that way. I have a coworker who is challenged and very slow. But she trys. Last week I had another coworker say to me what a waste of DNA. Refering to the challenged coworker. It made me so mad. She couldnt understand why I was so upset. Kids learn by example. And that was a bad example.

[Danielle Harmon]

Okay...so we agree that this is terrible and it is out of control...beside teaching our kids/grand kids/nieces/nephews to be kind and polite what else can we do in our communities to mitigate this behavior?

I remember being picked on terribly at church (YES at CHURCH!) because we were poor and I didn't attend the local Christian school. I was picked on at school because I was skinny...and BF was picked on because she was chunky (not fat, just not trim).

Bad thing is...kids can't get away from it...it is at school, in Girl/Boy Scouts, church, on-line, pretty much everywhere.

It is tragic that an 11 year old child would feel the need to take his own life because he felt that insignificant.

[Danielle Harmon]

Originally Posted by TMWIlson7196

I agree with you. Adults are just as bad. I work with several who act that way. I have a coworker who is challenged and very slow. But she trys. Last week I had another coworker say to me what a waste of DNA. Refering to the challenged coworker. It made me so mad. She couldnt understand why I was so upset. Kids learn by example. And that was a bad example.

If anyone ever needed to be slapped...NO ONE is a waste of DNA...

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Originally Posted by Gin7274

Just want to add this. This week a young boy attending a school in the Atlanta area committed suicide because he was constantly being bullied. I think he was about 11 years old. People need to realize that what you say can make or break a person. Those wounds go straight to the heart.

We had an eleven year old child commit suicide here last week, too He was a football player, basketball player, and Boy Scout. Other kids had been teasing him since September, making fun of his clothes, calling him gay, etc. His mom had been to the school and written to the school board with complaints and no one helped this child. The story makes me ill and angry.

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Originally Posted by Sandra Bostwick

Maybe their writing is not up to par or their spelling is not great.

This one kills me!! If a person has nothing better to do other than pick on someone's spelling and writing skills there really is something wrong. Talk about mean and unkind!

[Gin7274]

Good question Danielle. We do a lot of volunteer work individually and as a family. We are able to see first hand how things are for other people.

My oldest grandchild as Aspirgers, thankfully not severe, so we have issues we've had to deal with as well.

[chezp]

I couldn't agree more with you. It's terrible to see the way some people behave towards others. That's why I love these boards so much, because it's like the ideal we should have everywhere, with everyone treating others - and their opinions - with respect and looking after people.

[Sandra Bostwick]

[quote=Danielle Harmon;2709882]I agree Sandy!

I teach my kids to be kind to everyone. You never know when you are entertaining angels! quote]

I love that thought!