Since Chrissi Brought Up The Subject... About This Page:

[snoozin]

I am so in need of a silly thread... so... since Chrissi started it... what's your worst/most embarrassing/silliest "pass gas" story?

Mine (OMGosh, I can't believe I'm going to share this)... we moved to Oregon, and upstairs is this huge master suite and bathroom. There's no door to the master, and the bathroom door opens directly onto the 'gallery' above the living room. The master bath has a great deal of tile, wide open and has great acoustics. I was standing there, and it just came out... and it was so loud it echoed in the bathroom, and I started laughing, which made it worse, and it wouldn't stop... just kept toot, toot, tooting away. Finally, when I had stopped laughing long enough to catch my breath (maybe that wasn't such a good idea, since I was still in the bathroom) I heard DH downstairs say "WHAT was THAT?" Which started the giggles again, sans gas btw.

OK... I fessed up... anyone else?

[jpod523]

i don't think i can top that one!

[Teresa]

There is no way I can come close to that. I can't even think of any.
The only things I can think of is the "silent deadly" that I had in 4th grade. At the library. The CITY library. In the elevator - which was large enough to house the entire class! (and a teacher or two). So hard to act as if I had not done anything and was just as horrified as everyone else and not trying to not laugh. (btw - the elevator was VERY slow, and we had just gotten in it for a 3 story rise - I think we were all blue in the face when we finally disembarked!)

[Chrissi]

None here. At least none that I'm still embarrassed about. The first time I tooted in front of Walt was a tense moment before I burst out laughing , but he did it first. Besides, he has a habit of turning the bathroom into a wasteland, closing the door, and not saying anything before I walk into that green gas cloud of his. He has far more to be embarrassed about if you ask me.

[songbird]

None from me. But the reactions of my students when they hear a classmate is typical. Lots of snickering. I simply say, " Say excuse me and be thankful it escaped or you would have exploded!"
I often talk about all sorts of body functions in class- it desensitizes them from uncontrollable outbursts.

[DopeyGirl]

None from me but I am still embarrassed over one from DH that he is still rather PROUD of.

We were in NYC during Thanksgiving week 2000, getting ready to go see Cabaret on Broadway one night at Studio 54, but DH didn't iron his pants before we left home and had just stuffed them in his bag AND he didn't bring any black dress socks (and I had no pantyhose either). Well, we were in search of an iron and needed to buy stockings, so we headed across the street from our hotel on West 34th and went to KMart to get one.

So, we're wandering around the store and come to the aisle where the irons are . . . there were a couple of ladies looking at something in the same aisle, so we said "Excuse us." and walked past them. DH found the cheapest iron on the shelf and had to step in front of these ladies to get it from the shelf. It is then that he let the mother of all . . . you know . . . go. The 2 ladies gasped, I turn around as fast as I can and practically RAN to another aisle out of sheer embarrassment.

And he giggles. He didn't laugh . . . he GIGGLED. He finally found where I had run to and says, LOUDLY, "OMG. Why did you run away? That was actually really funny . . . and it was SO bad too. Those poor ladies. Teeeee-heeeeeeeeee!"

And he is still proud of that moment now 7 years later.

[elbug10]

This didn't involve me directly, but one of the funniest stories on this subject I can recall is one Christmas Eve in Church when I was in high school. It came to a very quiet part of the service when we were just getting ready to sing "Silent Night". The minister introduced with "...and the angels did say..." and the whole church was quiet as people reached for their hymnals. Poor old Mr. Hoover, who must've had baked beans and cabbage for dinner, let rip with what can only be described as a rafter-shaker. It was SO loud EVERYONE, including the minister up front heard it. And b/c it was in church, it sort of echoed, I swear! Everyone was trying not to laugh. My poor father almost hurt himself; tears were coming out of his eyes. We had to wait a few minutes after the service b/c he was still laughing so hard he couldn't get up to leave. Jokes were made for years afterwards about keeping an air freshener in your coat "just in case" Mr. Hoover was there again. Poor man, God bless him!

[NERebeca]

Not mine, but my nephew's.

We were standing in the queue at MuppetVision and he silently let one go. He stood there straight-faced, looking straight ahead. When the stench came my way I just looked at him and didn't say anything. The poor older oriental ladies in front of us weren't so nonchalant about it....I watched them wrinkle up their noses and look at each other like "was that you?"....When we finally got to go into the theater we were both cracking up.

[wvugrrrl]

This is a great thread; here's my story -

My roommate and I went to our student rec center to work out. We had done several reps on various machines and decided we were going to go to the mats and do crunches. We did normal crunches, and then we decided we were going lay on our sides and do side crunches. We are both laying on the mats, in a corner of the workout room, and we both start doing these side crunches, when I ripped the LOUDEST fart ever. Immediately, we both start giggling, to which I farted again.

I don't think anyone other than us heard the farting, but it was pretty much the most obnoxious thing ever, and we couldn't stop laughing, so we left when people started giving us weird looks.

[Nimros]

This is more cute than funny, but it just happened last week...

DD (9) is known for her SBDs at our house. Whenever there's a horrible odor, we always look at her and say accusinginly, "Kellll -ey!"

We were coming home from my SIL's Halloween party last week, all five of us in the van driving home, quietly contemplating the evening when Kelley deadpans, "I didn't just do....... what you think I did...... if you think I farted."

We all just burst out laughing. "Well Kelley, you kinda just gave it away there!" DH told her she sounded like she was trying to do a Jedi Mind Trick on us...

[marianne e cornett]

Well my ongoing problem is with DH Paul. The background is, that if you don't know him very well he seems very serious and distinguished to others . . . a "must keep up appearances" lawyer! Well, he's not like that at all. His favorite thing to do to me is let one fly while walking in the mall and then turn to me and say loudly, "Marianne, what did YOU do?" But I have my own horror story . . . it's not exactly gas . . . BUT . . . I have certain food allergies including artificial sweeteners. Sometimes you just can't help it. People use it in the restaurants in the food or drinks and don't tell you even if you ask. So one day I ate lunch at the mall and was shopping at a small clothing shop when I felt the tell tale stomach pain. Usually, I have some warning. But this time as I went out to find a bathroom it (as in oh poop!) just let loose. There was nothing I could do! I just kept walking thru Penny's to get to my car as fast as possible. Luckily I had jeans on which kind of kept it inside my clothes. But as I am hurrying out, I hear the young man behind me say to his girlfriend, "It sure stinks in this store!" Then I had to ride home in it! Luckily I had plastic shopping bags in the cars to sit on. Oh Gee, I remembered another one. Same problem. I had soup that was beef based without knowing it until it was too late. I was driving thru the Kettle Moraine (forest) to go to my daughters first wedding dress fitting. It hit me . I did have warning but I drove for miles looking for a gas station but I was out in the middle of nowhere. Again when it started I was totally helpless. So I pulled over to the side of the road and ran into the cornfield. And as cars whizzed by not 50 feet away, I removed all of my undergarments and socks and used the socks and kleenex from my purse to try and clean up. I am standing there naked and it just keeps going! Oh my God. Luckily I always carry extra undies in my purse since the store incident. I put myself together as best I could and kept driving and found a gas station 1 MILE DOWN THE ROAD. Went in and washed up with their soap and paper towels. Did not have a cell phone and the station phone was pulled out so I got back in the car and went on. When I arrived late, I warned my daughter and my best friend to not stand too close to me as I am sure I still did not smell very good. Well, that's all I needed to say cause they were rolling on the ground by the time I told them the whole story. Couldn't get the picture out of their heads. And I still haven't lived it down! Well, thanks for all of the other stories. I have been laughing with tears rolling down my face. Bigred

[ilovedisney0_0]

OK, my boss - who is a dentist - likes to flirt with the hairdresser ladies next door. He is happily married, but he likes to think he's still 'got game' ...

One day, he had a bubbly stomach. We are very close, we have worked together for over 13 years and sometimes we have a brother/sister relationship, but there are still some things he doesn't do in front of me (thank God! ). But yet, he tells me about it. So, he said he was going to walk down to get the mail, and take care of business on the way down there. I am watching him as he walks out of our office, does his little flirty grin thing at the ladies in the hair salon, and keeps walking.

He didn't realize it, but one of the really pretty salon girls walked out right behind him, and was right behind him all the way on the path down to the mailbox. He - unaware - was just letting it rip. Walk, toot, walk, toot, walk, toot...

I could see her face, and she was making this "OMG, what is THAT" expression and shaking her head from the STANK the entire time!! By the time he got back in the office, I was literally doubled over laughing. I almost peed my pants. It was the FUNNIEST thing I have ever seen!!! Rico Farty!!!

[snoozin]

OMGoodness; these are just too funny! Keep 'em coming... ummmm... that didn't come out right... ummmm... neither did that

[Caldercup]

Being that my family is addicted to scatological stories, I have a ton of 'em, but I'll just share my two favorites:

1) You may remember our sweet old dog, Ruby -- who we lost at age 14 last summer. Well, when she was a puppy back in 1992, she was a happy participant in our Christmas game night at my SIL's apartment in Chicago. We were gathered around a table under a ceiling fan playing board games waaaaay into the night during one of the Lloyd's famous-in-their-own-minds game fests. Sweet Ruby was tuckered out after a long chew on a "basted" rawhide that one of my SILs gave her for Christmas and she was sleeping on a pillow tucked under the table. Suddenly, I noticed Valerie startle, wince, and squeeze her eyes shut. Then, to her right, Gracie did the same thing -- only she choked a little and started coughing. Amelia dropped her cards and put her arm over her nose in self-defense. Bob, on my left. clamped his hand over his mouth/nose and looked at **ME** accusingly. That's when it hit me -- a cloud so noxious that my eyes started watering before my brain even got the news from my nose. Oh. My Gawd!! What was IN that orange gunk that covered the rawhide bone??!! Whatever it was, it didn't agree with Ruby and she tooted and sputtered every few minutes over the next hour while the Lloyds gamely tried to continue playing under that ceiling fan, which only carried the stench around the table in a comical man-by-man way. Whenever I saw Valerie wince, I pulled my sweater over my nose and tried to keep playing.

The funniest part of the night was when we had to drive back to Gracie's house with her best friend. Just imagine: it's Christmas in CHICAGO and there was Bob and me with our heads hanging out the car's windows while Gracie and Leslie sat with their parkas zipped up *over* their heads to block out the smell. Ruby sat between them in our tiny little Toyota, blissfully unaware of the nastiness she was producing!


and...


2) My mother was a wonderful woman: a brilliant biochemist, radiant conversationalist, tender mother, and staunch friend. But... she had gas and lots of it. Totally scent-free and often quite silent, but *there* just the same. If she bent to pick up something on the floor or lifted a heavy pot or laughed really hard, you just knew that she'd let something squeak out. Anyway, on the day of this "event," I was in that awkward thirteen-year-old-girl stage where anything my parents did was an embarrassment to me, so I was totally NOT happy to be in a bookstore with my mother, despite the fact that I was (and still am) addicted to books. It was the fact that I was with my mother that ticked me off. To make it worse, we liked the same type of fiction, so we were standing in the same aisle, next to each other, perusing the titles in charged silence. My mom dropped one of the books that was in her hand and instinctively bent over to pick it up. Ka-POW!!

This was not one of my mom's more silent expulsions. This was like a gunshot blast in church. To make matters worse, it was also immediately evident to me -- standing there immobilized by debilitating, embarrassed shock -- that it wasn't one of my mother's non-smelly varieties either. Without blinking, my mother moved faster than I've ever seen her move and -- SCHOOOOM -- she stepped out of the aisle so fast that I almost couldn't see her go. By the time that other shoppers turned to give me (yes ME!!) a dirty stare, she was three rows over with a look of total innocence on her face.

To make matters worse, she zipped around a corner and had the audacity to give me a dirty stare too!!

I can look back on that now and laugh my self silly, but at age 13, I just wanted a hole to open up in the floor so I could sink into the earth...


Eileen