Friends...NOT About This Page:

[RobinKay6573]

I had a pretty terrible thing happen to me a few weeks ago and I am not just getting to the point where I can talk about it without getting emotional.

Since 1997 I have been friends with a couple named Mandy & Kim. We weren't that close in the first year or so but I started to spend more and more time with them and we all became good friends. Through the years I would accompany them on outing and was even invited by them to Thanksgiving dinner at his mom's in Port Huron last year. Since I have no family here in Michigan it was very nice to be invited to go. Last year we went to Kentucky and Ohio (where we stayed with her parents). I also helped them a great deal with their farm (putting up fences, grooming & riding horses, taking photos for their publicity, sending our press releases for their shows and I even helped her for a month getting up every hour to check on a mare who was due to foal) Last year and this year I even took time off from work (my own personal days) so I could help out with a horse show they brought their stallion to.

I have a form of depression called Dysthimia which consumes my life. I go to counseling weekly and have for about 5 years. I tried medication but it just made me sleepy so I stopped taking it (under advisement of my counselor). I have a hard time making friends because sometimes I come across as distant which can often be seen as cold and uncaring. I am actually a very loving person and a loyal friend.

I had not heard from Mandy & Kim since the day before Easter. I had gone out to their place to see the new foal that had been born the previous Monday. I took a few photos and she came up to me and said, “Are you going to be here for a while.” I told her I was going to take some pictures and help them. She said she and Kim where going to Menard’s to get paint and would be back in an hour and a half or so. I hung out for about 2 ½ hours. I had stuff to do at home so I left. I have a cell phone and they both have cell phones so there was no excuse for her to not call me and let me know they were running late. I also thought it was kind of rude to leave when I had driven a half hour out there to see them (I had called the day before and let them know when I was coming so I didn’t just pop in).

I was mad at them that I didn’t call for a week or so. After a few weeks and not hearing from them I was getting alittle angry so I call and let them know what time I was going to come by (which ended up being Memorial Day). I got there and there was no sign of them. I waited a couple of hours then wrote a not saying that it hurt my feelings that they didn’t call me and let me know they would not be there and to call me when they got home. That next Friday in the mail I got a letter. Kim had written that he was sorry to be the barer of bad news but Mandy didn’t want to see me anymore. He went on to say that Mandy in counseling had discovered much of the confects she had been having were with me. She thought that if she didn’t contact me for a while I would “get the hint” that she didn’t want to be friends anymore. I was FLOORED…this was totally unexpected. If she had a problem with me I wish she had said something. I went from sad and hurt to angry. This all happened the DAY BEFORE my birthday! She never gave me any hint to her feeling…nothing…at all..nothing. I know some people just can’t deal with conflict and I wasn’t expecting her to…at least not to my face. She could have at least left me a voicemail on my cell phone or write me an e-mail or letter…something. At this point I am trying to just forget about the whole thing and go on. When you have been friends with someone as long as I have been friends with Mandy & Kim you really feel the absence when they are gone. This is just more of a reason for me to get the heck out of Michigan.

Thanks for listening

[MegglesMom]

Robin, I'm so sorry to hear this! Sending you lots of and I hope you feel better soon....

[BritDisFan]

Oh dear, I'm sorry your friends let you down Robin, I think it would have been better if your friend had issues to sit down and talk to you about it. Just not contacting you is pretty cruel. Here is some for you, don't forget your friends on the boards are always here to listen.

Karen

[LilMarcieMouse]

<font color="blue">Robin I'm sorry this happend to you. I know how it feels to up and lose a friend. Just rememeber you have us. we love you. </font>

[goofysdtr]

I'm sorry you were treated so poorly. I never understand when people treat others in ways they wouldn't want to be treated themselves. Everyone deserves more respect than they showed you. for things to look up soon.

[my2girls]

Robin, I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through with your "friends". I have had a similar situation myself - here's a little - a friend of my mine for over 15 years stopped talking to me with no explanation at all. She was my maid of honor. I was supposed to be hers. I got married and the communciation stopped. No reason, not from her, her family, not from what I thought were mutual friends. I was devastated for at least 2 years. The first 3 or 4 months was the hardest. I still to this day have no idea what when wrong. I will be married for 11 years in Sept. Every once in a while, I will catch myself thinking of her, but I have accepted the fact that it's over and feel that it was for the best in the long run.

I'm sorry that I cannot offer any help on how to move on, or get over it, but time will heal. If you are looking for a change of address, now is as good a time as any. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and wish you the best for the months to come.


Kristine

[chezp]

Oh my goodness Robin, I am SO sorry to hear that. It is so sad to lose a friend, but even more so under those circumstances. for you - and don't forget, we're always here for you.

[buckysmom]

I am so sorry. I have to say I've had a friend who cut me out of her life when I got into a school that she didn't. We'd been friends for 14 years at that point! Argh! Didn't (and still don't) understand it. She then invited my parents and my brother to her wedding, specifically excluding me. The point is, you didn't do anything wrong that you could have addressed if she'd told you about it. Not being a mind reader is NOT a personal flaw!
I'm sorry you're hurt and hope you remember that true friends will stick around-the rest aren't worth your time or pain.

[imagineerwannabe]

Conflict is necessary for a relationship to grow in business as well as in marriage, parenthood, and friendship.

Lencioni "The Five Disfunctions of a Team"

Perhaps you will work it out. It seems a shame since you have so much time invested in the relationship to have it dissolve instantly. I would think a counselor suggesting this type of resolution would produce regret and incompleteness in his or her patients.

The natural tendency is to blame yourself. You MUST not do that.

Good luck!

[vsonnier]

Oh Robyn I hate that you are having to go through such a tough situation! You know you are always welcome to get on here and vent - we will always be here to listen! Here is a ton of to help you get through such a tough time!

[AngelOn9]

<font color="blue"> I'm so sorry this happened to you! I'm sure it was very hurtful to say the least.

I've experienced something like this as well. I was very devastated and almost felt like something was wrong with ME for someone to just drop me as if I had done something to them. I won't go into the details of that, but PLEASE know that this isn't really ABOUT you.

Clearly(as you said...she was seeing a therapist)she's dealing with some other issues also and perhaps placed blame where it had no business being placed. Ultimately, I don't think you could have done ANYTHING that would have changed the course of events.

You're still as loving, giving, and loyal as you were before with or without this having happened. That being said, you will find the friends that deserve you and you always have the people here at the boards for support.
</font>

[RobinKay6573]

guys you are great! I don't think it is so much what she did but how she did it. There are better ways to let a friend down then to make your husband write a letter. I don't even think she made Kim do it I think he felt bad. I had some co-workers read the letter and that is what they said. Actually Kim &amp; I were better friends then Mandy and I but obviously we can no longer be friends because she is being such a selfish...ummm...****insert word not suitable for children's viewing**** It makes me so angry because I have done so much for them and rarely asked for anything in return. I can't tell you how many rolls of film I have taken of her horses. I even did all the photography for their wedding in 2002. Mandy always treated me differently then her other friend so I should have known this was coming. Her "best" friend would disappear for months on end with not so much as a phone call and Mandy would complain to ME about it! I was there...I was always there for her. *sigh*

One good thing about this is that Mandy's birthday was last week and back in April I had bought her a couple of Eeyore gifts at DS while I went back last weekend and returned them and bought a few things for myself

What can I learn from this? Don't trust your friends? It is probably a good thing that such a selfish heartless person is out of my life. Obviously she was never a true friend if she treated me like she did...good riddens! I doubt very much if her counselor told her to drop me like a brick...no professional would ask their client to do something like that! It is just hearless and mean! Now my counselor and I just have to figure out why I am attracted to people like Mandy...maybe that will help me gain better relationships and maybe someday find Mr. Right. *sigh* I have not given up yet...he is out there somewhere but I am not getting any younger!

[figment52]

[ QUOTE ]
: Actually Kim &amp; I were better friends then Mandy and I

[/ QUOTE ]


maybe this is really her problem - she is insecure in her relationship with her mate and sees you as a threat! Don't judge all of Michigan residents on this - most of us are really nice people.

I had my friends husband (I was not in Michigan then) come to me at work once and tell me that now that *** was married she could have no single friends - he wouldn't allow it. IF I were ever to marry he would allow her to spend time with me again but not before I had a husband of my own. I miss her but I suspect that she changed too much for our friendship to be anything like it was.

You will find new friends but it will take time. PD coming your way

[Teresa]

Robin, I like a lot of people here, have had a friendship that took a dive for one reason or another.

I eventually decided that we all grow. I am not interested in the same things that I was 10 yrs. ago when I met her, and it stands to reason that mine and her tastes in friends might change.

Be strong, and don't worry about the impressions you give of being unfeeling. I do too, and I don't have any reason (I just don't have the inclination to "hold someone's hand" as they struggle with small, unimportant things)

[goofy4goofy]

Robin, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hurt you are. When a friendship breaks up, it's almost like the death of a friend. It's like you have to mourn the loss and eventually move on. I'm sending you a ton of pixie dust to get through this difficult time!

Kelly