Probably insulted my brother, but... (long vent) - Page 2 - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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It's your wedding and you get to chose who is there and who isn't.
When 2 of my friends got married they had a very small wedding and invited only a few family members (parents, siblings and a couple aunts and uncles) and then a few friends. One of the groom's aunt's had a hissy fit because her daughter wasn't invited. The groom just told his aunt that when she paid for the wedding she could invite who she wanted.
with the SIL. Just remember not to let her ruin YOUR day!
I've been to plenty of weddings where no children (no matter the age) were not invited. You're not out of line to know what you want and will make your special day happy for you.
It is your wedding and you have every right to have it the way you want it. I would remind your brother that he and the SIL are invited but the daughter is not and could he please see to it that she stays home. It seems that the SIL needs to be reminded that she is not a guest but a member of the family and as such she needs to be respectful of the members of the family. Good luck and have a great wedding.
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I am so sorry you have to deal with this stress. It is your day, so it is your choice. I would talk with your DB and let him know your niece is NOT invited and because of limited space in the restaurant will NOT have a seat if her mother brings her. That being said, if you know SIL will bring her no matter what, perhaps she could enjoy another part of the resort while you all are having your wedding dinner. At her parent's expense of course.
I am curious though, if everything is so right about the "old country" then SIL came to America why???
I agree with Huntermom, give her a book of etiquette with a sweet smile and a "Welcome to the United States of America."
There is NO way I would stand for one iota of her crap. I had a PIA sister in law too and the best thing about divorcing my husband is I got to divorce her too.
Do you know what I called people like her? I call them bullies. And I deal with bullies the way they need to be dealt with.
Inform her quite matter of factly, that the people invited are your brother and his wife. She can leave her drama and her teenager at the door as neither are invited. She can leave her dog with her teenager. If she doesn't like it - too bad. She has a choice to make, either follow the rules and desires of the family or have her pull herself up a nice piece of sidewalk. Or you can tell her you've checked the list twice and still don't see your name on the list of people who give a rat's @$$ about what she thinks or wants.
My guests are welcome in my home, but they will still follow the rules of my house. I'm not a hotel and my customer service line is located between my index and ring finger on my right hand.
I am curious though, if everything is so right about the "old country" then SIL came to America why???
We speculate about that one regularly. If it gives you a clue, my DB met her on the Internet. Mom & I have a standing offer of a one-way ticket back, anytime she wants it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMadonna3
Or you can tell her you've checked the list twice and still don't see your name on the list of people who give a rat's @$$ about what she thinks or wants.
Oh, she's well-aware of my feelings on the subject. She once said to my brother, "She hates me and I hate her," after she again brought her dog into the house and I told her (politely, I might add) Mom wanted it outside. Or maybe it was the time I refused to serve wine to her daughter at dinner b/c she's underage. It's the kind of comment I hear regularly from my 7th-grade students. Very mature.
The sad part is, my step-niece would probably be okay with it either way. DF and I were trying to figure out how to invite her and DB w/o SIL, b/c we get along fine w/ her. She would think all the little Disney touches we have planned would be cool. I may have to put my dad in charge of talking to SIL about keeping her opinions to herself for one day. He's about the only one she'll listen to. Only bad thing about that is Dad doesn't get why all the stuff she does bothers the rest of us. He just ignores her - or gives a snappy come-back that she doesn't get. But then, I'm still his "little girl" and he's been waiting a very long time for this day, so maybe he'll do it for me.
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Pat (a.k.a., PFlamingo) "We are the people our parents warned us about."
There is NO way I would stand for one iota of her crap. I had a PIA sister in law too and the best thing about divorcing my husband is I got to divorce her too.
Do you know what I called people like her? I call them bullies. And I deal with bullies the way they need to be dealt with.
Inform her quite matter of factly, that the people invited are your brother and his wife. She can leave her drama and her teenager at the door as neither are invited. She can leave her dog with her teenager. If she doesn't like it - too bad. She has a choice to make, either follow the rules and desires of the family or have her pull herself up a nice piece of sidewalk. Or you can tell her you've checked the list twice and still don't see your name on the list of people who give a rat's @$$ about what she thinks or wants.
My guests are welcome in my home, but they will still follow the rules of my house. I'm not a hotel and my customer service line is located between my index and ring finger on my right hand.
But, since you asked for opinions, I'll give you mine. I would decide how much it meant to me to have my DB at my wedding. If you want him there at all costs, invite them and if they bring your neice, so be it. Just relax and enjoy your day.
Or, if SIL's comments or her refusal to abide by your wishes would spoil your good time, then I wouldn't invite DB or his family. I know this is harsh but I don't feel sorry for your DB. He needs to control his wife or realize that he's going to be estranged from his family. My DH and Dmom aren't the best of friends but I don't let them speakly badly to each other or about each other in my presence.
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If yur are not inviting any nieces and nephews, simply say no children are invited it's an adults only wedding. No need to explain or argue. It's your choice.
Make sure to say it's for Adults OVER 18 (or 21 or whatever you want).
Oh - I thought of something else you could do:
If you invite the SiL, and she comes, and she says something snarky - just tell her that you're glad she didn't have to have any of that stuff at HER wedding, but since this is yours, it's great you get to choose what YOU want to do.
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It is your wedding! you can invite whoever you want....or not invite whoever you don't want!
This is the United States of America!
If she is so fortunate enough to live here, then in my opinion she needs
to remember that there are cultural differences and she should adjust and accept them.
I am sorry you have to deal with this stress!
I wish you the very best as you work things out for your wedding!
We speculate about that one regularly. If it gives you a clue, my DB met her on the Internet. Mom & I have a standing offer of a one-way ticket back, anytime she wants it.
Wish I could commandeer an Air Force plane and take her away for you! Makes it kind of permanent when the military "escorts" you out.
Is it too late to kill her with kindness...or is she immune and oblivious to that?
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I think you handled it right. You let your brother know what you expected on your special day. I'm sure he didn't like hearing it...but knew why you said it. Hopefully he'll follow through.
You also might send him an email letting him know that you intend on the full Mass wedding and that he may want to warn your SIL what that entails as well as any other details you think may be important about the day. The more info she has going in...the less she can complain to you when it comes down to it.
I hope she is nice and that your niece does not come with her.
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with the SIL. Just remember not to let her ruin YOUR day!
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She once said to my brother, "She hates me and I hate her," after she again brought her dog into the house and I told her (politely, I might add) Mom wanted it outside. Or maybe it was the time I refused to serve wine to her daughter at dinner b/c she's underage. It's the kind of comment I hear regularly from my 7th-grade students. Very mature. 
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