somebody please tell me this gets easier.... About This Page:

[m_green]

Don't want to sound like a broken record, but I guess I'm looking for reassurance that things get easier when you get divorced. I'm having a hard time with it. I think I'm moving on, then I talk with DH, and I figure out that I haven't. Twice yesterday he told me I was his best friend. He also twice made reference to us possibly getting back together in the future.

I keep asking myself why this is all happening. I wish I could hate him, or that he hated me. I know getting along is better for our kids, but it is killing me at the same time. Half the time when we see each other, it's like nothing is different.

In our county you have to take parenting classes before you can get divorced. (Isn't that one ironic??) They were talking in there about how the kids usually are happy about the divorce since it stops the parents from fighting. I sat there and thought how that didn't apply to us, as we didn't fight. He just moved to his mom's, and then into an apartment.

I guess I know how he felt 18 years ago when I broke up with him. (He was a senior in high school, and I was a freshman in college.) We stayed best buds then, and we got back together two years later. I'm so afraid that is what is going to happen this time. I don't know that I can deal with it this time. I think it would throw the kids for a loop...

Does this get bettere?

[AKLRULZ]

Gosh, Michelle, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I can't tell if it gets better or worse, but I'm wishing you peace and blessings to get through it.

[Chrissi]

I'm not sure if this will help, but I'll tell you anyway. My dad has been married and divorced twice. The first wife was my mom. The second is my step-mom and still a close friend to this day. When my step-mom left my dad it was a total shock. She moved out while I was visiting my mom's house and my dad was at work. We had no idea it was coming. My dad had a terrible time adjusting because he had no idea what had gone wrong and no opportunity to fix it before she left. As it turns out, the age difference was too mch for them to deal with (my step-mom is only 12 years older than me). I had an easier time adjusting because my step-mom continued to take me out shopping and for lunch on weekends and what-not. One day she asked me how my dad was and I told her. She and I agreed that maybe the three of us should get together once in awhile. That it might help my dad move on. They eventually got to the point where they were having breakfast together every Sunday morning (not being a morning person, I slept through breakfast most of the time). They continued getting together for breakfast for 2 years (until my step-mom remarried). They occasionally still get together for lunch or breakfast, but both have moved on.

What I'm trying to say is seeing each other frequently doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Any kind of routine time spent together with or without the kids can help you feel a sense of normalcy under abnormal circumstances. Don't get discouraged, but remember if you don't want to get back together to make it clear that you're doing this just to help both of you make the transition to separate lives without acting like the other partner doesn't exist.

[LuvMK]

Michelle,

After a while you will reach a new place that will define your relationship with your ex. Hopefully it will be a good place where you are getting along for the kids but not playing games with each other. This is the hardest time as you try to figure out what your relationship is going to be from now on. Hang in there - it takes time.

Hope you have enjoyed your Mother's Day with the kids!

Terri

[m_green]

Thanks everyone. I do better when I don't see or have to talk to DH... it's easier to accept. But, that's not what we do. We still talk, and there is no set time for him to see the kids, just upon agreement of us.

We did have a good mother's day. The kids & I took my MIL out for brunch. MIL took DD shopping yesterday for Mother's day & my b-day. DH came by this afternoon with an azalea plant for me from the kids & a card. He said they talked about it the other day. DD said they didn't, that it was dad's idea. (That one, I believe. It probably hit him today that the kids weren't able to get me anything.)

Thanks for listening to me!

[Janet 46]

Michelle, we're here with a sympathetic shoulder to cry on if you need it, or an atta-girl when you need a pat on the back. Just keep posting to let us know how you're doing.

[wdwlovers]

Michelle, we are all thinking of you and wishing you the best! I hope things are looking up soon and you have an idea where things stand on a regular basis. Like Janet said, we are here for you when you need to vent or a shoulder to cry on!

[allysonh]

Michelle,

I was 21 when I was married for the first time. And even though I knew it was over 3 months into it, I stuck around for 3 years. I tried everything I knew to make it work, but my ex and I weren't meant to be.

I asked him for a divorce 2 weeks after our 3rd anniversary. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Even though the divorce was what I wanted and I looked forward to getting my life back together, it was still a very difficult thing to go through.

I guess what I am trying to say is: hang in there. It does get easier.

My advice to you is don't hang on to the hope that you will get back together. If your DH is saying that, then you need to tell him that he needs to think things through and tell you when he's made a decision, one way or the other.

People don't understand the confusion and conflict they cause with statements like that, whether or not they mean to.

I can only tell you that, one day, things will get better!

Be strong and be true to yourself and your children and you'll all be okay.

If you ever want to email me at home, please do so.

[ 05-13-2002, 01:57 PM: Message edited by: allysonh ]

[disneyknut]

Michelle-
From someone who's been there ( was married 9 years to my first husband) it does get easier.. You've got one thing on your side.. You are on good terms with your DH.. All my Ex & I seemed to do was fight every time we got together & spent many a night crying myself to sleep.. I finally realized that I had to make life better for ME & not worry about US & I became a much stronger & happier person & ended up falling in love with the man I was meant to be with ( my current DH)
[img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]
I do commend you greatly for keeping a good relationship for you kids.. My Ex & I had no children & I shudder to think of what would have happened if we did ( Can you tell our dicorce WASN'T Amicable???? [img]graemlins/pout.gif[/img] )
Hope this helps a little! sending e-hugs {}{}{}{}

[Disney Fan]

Hugs and pixie dust for you! Divorce is so difficult. I don't know the circumstances that lead to the point you are both at, just figure out what you want. While sometimes that is difficult, it is critical! My prayers are with you! God's peace!

[rescuesk]

Michelle,

Divorce is never easy, but like everyone else has said, it does get better with time.

Staying on good terms with your ex is good for the kids, but don't let him manipulate you into a position you don't want to be in "for the kids sake". You must stay true to yourself and your feelings. Remain strong, trust in yourself and God and remember you have a whole group of cyber-pals here to vent to and cry to! [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

Sue

[m_green]

Thanks everyone. I think I came to a decision. (Think because I do well, then we chat, and everything is upside down again.)

I am planning on writing a letter to DH, and basically telling him what I think, but then telling him that I don't want to hear that he's not sure he wants the divorce. If, and that's a big if, he decides that he wants to try to make it work, then let me know. I know this will be hard, but I need to do it for me. I need to move on, and right now plan on that being without him. That's a hard realization for me, because we get along great, and always have. We first started dating in Dec of 1982. We broke up one year later, stayed apart for less than two years, then starting dating again. We were married two years later, and our 14th anniversary is in less than one month. So, I'm losing my best friend of almost 20 years.

But, I can't stay on this emotional rollercoaster. Until he wants to work on our marriage, I have to let it go and move on. I know there will always be a part of me that cares deeply for him, but I can't keep doing this.

I'll keep you posted... hopefully once school is out, I'll have more time to myself!!

Thanks again ~ your support helps a lot!

[allysonh]

Michelle,

I think you're making the right decision!!

It takes a lot of strength to come to such a wise choice.

I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Pixie dust to you and your family!

[TiggGrrrl]

{{{hugs}}} Michelle. Just wanted to add my support during this difficult time. My sister went through a very similar situation in 2000 and she and her DH are back together now. Whatever is meant to be in your situation, I wish you peace in your heart and joy in the future.

[ 05-13-2002, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: TiggGrrrl ]