I need tips, support and pixie dust with dreaded wedding weekend!! (VERY LONG!)
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IvyandLace · 10-09-2004, 08:06 AM

I'm not quite sure where to post this, but I thought that this board might be the most appropriate even though my topic is actually affected by some trips to WDW. Ready to be entertained??

First of all, some background information. My DH and I have been very happily married for seven years, no kids yet. This year has been hard as I have been disabled, and we're not sure what the future holds due to my health, but we are holding onto our faith and each other. Oh...and we love WDW!! What does that have to do with this post, you may ask? Keep reading to find out.

After a wonderfully magical WDW vacation in 2002 with my extended family, my husband (the eternal optimist) decided that the magical world of Disney might just be the place for a reunion with his (highly dysfuctional) family! We planned and planned even emailing his family constantly to keep them "in the loop" and informing them on all the wonders Disney has to offer. We repeatedly asked them for feedback on what they wanted to do and where they wanted to eat. With very little feedback, we went with our plan but continued to reassure FIL (age 62), MIL (age 60), BIL (age 30) and BIL's girlfriend, Sue (age 30) that they should feel free to do what they wanted and that we were flexible. Needless to say, the trip was a disaster!! My FIL who is a retired Marine officer complained non-stop about all walking and that everything was LOUD; nothing impressed him. MY MIL was, surprisingly, quite "well-behaved" with only a few temper tantrums, one where she stalked off during Spectromagic when BIL and Sue didn't show up and insisted on huddling in her room, missing out on our highly anticipated (and hard-to-obtain) IllumiNations cruise! My BIL was the scrooge of the group, walking around with his "nose in the air", disgusted with the commercialized masses finding pleasure at something as mundane as this fake sanatized world...his attitude, not mine!!

I saw him roll his eyes constantly, and I felt demeaned and disappointed by his actions and attitude. Surely we were such pathetic people to actually find entertainment from such dribble. Keep in mind that BIL is a diagnosed schizophrenic, and he becomes extremely stressed and tense with being with his family, change, flying...basically anything it seems. The only bright spot of the whole trip was my BIL's girlfriend, Sue. She was wonderful and kind and a joy to be around. Since this was the first time meeting her, I was a bit nervous, but we found out that we are very much alike and have had similar backgrounds. She was a true Disney spirit! Having been to WDW before, she was the only one of the bunch that understood the importance of getting to the parks early, taking breaks, riding the more popular rides first, and letting the magic of Disney permeate your soul.

Fastforward to this past spring when my DH convinced me to take MIL to the Flower and Garden Festival...alone. To be completely honest, I was disabled and an AP holder and desperately craving my "Disney fix". He really didn't have to convince me too hard. I should have known better, but sometimes Disney jams your logic.

I actually posted the following story concerning the trip on another board under the thread "What in WDW has shocked you?":
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All I have to say is there should be a support group for those of who have taken our MIL(s) to WDW, had the magic sucked out of us, and lived to tell about it!! I took my MIL (ALONE!!) to the Flower and Garden Festival this past May, and, believe me, I am still having nightmares.

She took hours to get ready in the morning, stockpiled our leftover food from meals in her backpack (unrefrigerated dairy, meats, etc) and then proceeded to eat it days later (eewww!), was a complete terror in her electric wheelchair-running over numerous people and proceeding to bless them out for getting in HER way (!!), seriously offended a number of foreign CMs by ignoring their accented English and telling me to "translate" for her-right in front of their faces, having a total-knock-down-drag-out-screaming-yelling tantrum at me in the midst of Adventureland (trust me, I still have problems walking by that area!) when I left her alone in Epcot to enjoy MK on my own (oh, blessed peace!!) and she ended up "lost" on the monorail that unfortunately was delayed on the tracks for a few minutes, making her miss the MK parade. Of course, it was ALL MY FAULT for leaving her alone! How dare I!?

She literally brought bags of PILLOWS with her to the park along with numerous other things that I ended up carrying since "you have room in your bag, right??" (that's what I get for being so organized!); she spent money on inappropriate sourvenirs (she bought my very manly and stoic DH a pair of Eeyore ears...??) and ended up using up all her cash (my FIL was treating us to this trip...I think that should have been a sign!) so at checkout, I had to pay a ~$500.00 bill that she had no way of paying (FIL won't let her carry a credit card, for obvious reasons)-needless to say, the "Oh, I'll pay you back" still has NOT happened! She thought that WISHES was "okay" for a fireworks show and stated that Magic Kingdom was her least favorite park because "of all the kids everywhere"...!!!!! In the midst of all this....ummm....magic....please keep in mind that my BIL who is older than I am and still fully supported by my inlaws despite a college degree kept calling and leaving horrible message on my MIL's cell phone on how terrible it is that they are spending all HIS money on me!!!!! This would cause a torrent of tears from MIL and "force" her to rush out to buy something silly and expensive for BIL. Guilt money...

She "forgot" to bring her blood pressure medicine from home but did not realize it until days later when it dawned on her and THEN it was a HUGE deal involving calling numerous Orlando pharmacies trying to special order it, screaming at the pharmicists when they said that they couldn't accept her insurance since it was a special order, screaming-cursing-"YOU JUST WANT ME TO DIE"-ing to my FIL over the phone when he wouldn't give her a credit card number to place the medicine on; despite repeated emails and websites sent trying to get her to pick restaurants/rides/ANYTHING concerning the trip, she reassured me that "I trust your judgement!" only to get there and have her ask, "Why aren't we eating there? That looks good! Why can't we see this parade today?" She did this as well with the stuff we missed during her hours of getting ready in the morning...she just couldn't get the idea that when you get to the parks at 11am, there WILL be crowds and you WILL have to wait an awful lot more than if you rolled out of bed a bit earlier. Hmmm...what a concept!

The last day I went into the parks by myself for some meditation (not mediCAtion...I took that religiously throughout my trip!) since I had an AP (MIL did NOT) and when I arrived back at our resort at the pre-determined time for our towncar pickup back to the airport, my MIL was frantically tearing apart our room including my neatly packed luggage, looking for her I.D. She was beyond frantic...this is where the term "manic depressive" is most appropriate. There was literally clothing EVERYWHERE, she was trying to stuff her dirty clothing in with my clothes along with all those "wonderfully thought through" sourveniers. Then after she found the missing I.D. (had packed it one of the pillow bags...of course! Makes so much sense!) and I repeatedly asked her if she was ready for baggage pickup (minutes before our towncar was scheduled to arrive), she FLIPPED out when the CM who graciously came to pick up our luggage out-of-schedule arrived!! He read the situation correctly that my MIL was coming-apart-at-the-seams and was very patient and jocular while she tried to stuff five months worth of clothing and STUFF into the torn-apart luggage...he made a harmless comment to try to reassure her that "whether people are just lazy or truly need help with their luggage...that's the beauty of luggage pickup on vacation!" and she EXPLODED!!! Thought he was calling her LAZY (hmmm...) and she went screaming and crying and fuming into the shower and yelled at me to get out of the room...NOW!! Don't have to tell me twice!

I took my carry-on and scurried to the food court where I practiced some "deep breathing" exercises while buying some food to eat before our flight. I then went out to meet our towncar driver and advised her of the "situation". I waited about 10 minutes in the back of the towncar, nibbling cautiously on sweet potato chips, and the driver is trying to be so kind but knows that she is getting behind schedule...so I get out of the car, dreading what is before me. Halfway to our room, here comes my MIL, fuming and muttering under her breath, dragging her four carry-ons that keep falling to the ground. She completely ignores me and my offer of help-rudely tells me that the driver can wait, SHE needs to eat!! UGH!! I politely tell her that we don't have time to eat right now...we need to get to the airport and that I have something for her to eat in the car...and she explodes, "Well, now you're trying to starve me!!" She proceeded to the towncar with this MAJOR attitude and took it out on the poor driver, screaming and crying that she hoped that our driver would NEVER call someone LAZY because SOME people have MEDICAL conditions and when you get OLDER, you should be treated with RESPECT! Needless to say, I kept my mouth closed and tried not to meet the driver's eyes in the rearview mirror. Halfway to the airport, the switch in my MIL's brain is flipped, and she decides this is an appropriate time to talk religion with the driver, trying to convert her!!! I was SO embarrassed...it was SO uncomfortable. When our driver dropped us off at the airport, I managed to slip her a BIG tip and whispered, "Thank you so much for your kindness and patience!" where she replied, "No, no! YOU are the patient one...I could NEVER do it!!" At least THAT made me smile!

It was THE trip from hell. It spoiled WDW for me. I am still emotionally scarred and actually DREAD every single moment spent in MIL's company. She is absolutely mentally sick and refuses to hear anything about it. She is a spoiled child, and I spent every minute of that trip as the parent. I will NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS EVEN IF THEY PAY FOR IT AND OFFER TO STAY AT THE GRAND FLORIDIAN ever travel with her again, especially not to my most favorite place.
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My husband, being the kind and loving (and guilty) person that he is, was extremely offended on the way his mother treated me and acted. He decided to treat me to a lovely WDW vacation in August 2004 that was relaxing and restorative. The magic was back!! A few weeks before we were to leave for Florida (we were not telling MIL where we were going), BIL and Sue called to invite us to come visit them in Arizona (in early November) where they and DH's older brother and his family live. The invitation was nice, pretty low-key, and I really did want to spend more time with Sue. My husband was joking with BIL on the phone, telling him he just wanted us there because he was planning on proposing to her!

BIL immediately denied this, stating that he wasn't ready to get married! (Well, why should he when his parents fully support him?? Okay...mini-rant over!)

Well, DH and I spent a lot of time during our quiet and secluded WDW vacation to talk about his family. His older brother and his family (wife, two kids ages 14 and 12) had come back East to visit early in the summer, and it was horrible. We get along wonderfully with them, but my MIL was a "devil woman". She even (no, I am NOT making this up) BIT my SIL, calling her all sort of awful names in front of the grandchildren. She was upset over the fact that this was their first trip home in over six years, and they spent the majority of the 10-day trip with HER family. (Hmmm...) Well, they were only together with my in-laws for two days, and they have vowed that they will NEVER EVER visit again because of my MIL's behavior. It's so sad!! I think that family should be about loving being together and being sad that you can't be with them...not feeling relieved when you can avoid spending time with them. Unfortunately, my husband's idealism was slowly turning into realism when it came to his family especially due to the time spent with them in the past year. He wanted to spend time with them, but he didn't. He didn't see the point in spending money that we didn't have right now and go on a stressful vacation to people that wouldn't appreciate our time or money spent to visit with them. I couldn't agree more which made me sad.

On the last night of our WDW vacation, my MIL called with the *wonderful* news that BIL and Sue are actually planning a wedding for the time in November that they had asked us to come visit!!

Not only do we feel manipulated but we also have to come home and spend money on something we don't really want to do. I put my foot down and insisted that we have NOTHING to do with travel plans with the in-laws...we get our OWN hotel room, flight, car. DH readily agreed, and so tickets were bought and ressies made.

And...I am SO dreading this trip!!!!

To make matter worse, before we even get there, my MIL and FIL will have spent a week "with the grandchildren"...they couldn't even spend two days together in HER house, how in the world are they going to spend a whole week together in harmony...or even just strained politeness???? This whole situation is a situation just waiting to be blown wide-open! Both my MIL and my BIL are mental-disturbed that is aggravated by stress...how are they going to get through a wedding??!! I'm disappointed and confused as to why Sue would put herself into a permanent situation with the BIL and all his problems. And this is her second marriage...so I feel like she should know better! I feel concerned for her, but then I try to remember that it is THEIR life to live.

I am normally a kind, compassionate, and positive person so having these feelings are quite frightening for me. I can't stand to be near BIL as he makes me feel sub-human for my "childish" love of Disney; I can't stand to be near MIL as she is the most selfish, manipulative and unstable person in my world.

Added to all the above is my desperate feelings of wanting to help in some way...I don't want my feelings to add to the already overwhelming problems in this family. I want to be as supportive as possible and help Sue get through the weekend as calmly as she can. I want to be able to help...but I don't really WANT to get involved, you know? This wedding weekend is going to be a disaster...I feel it in my bones.

I am really struggling with this whole ordeal and have been praying about my actions for quite a while. I appreciate everyone listening to my venting! When I told DH about what I was thinking and dealing with concerning the wedding, he said, "Well, if worse comes to worse...there always the bar!"

Thank goodness I married a man with a sense of humor!

Thankfully, only two weeks after "the weekend" (as it is now known), I will be on my way to Florida to be my wonderful extended family and to embark on our first-ever 7-Day DCL cruise!! How sweet that will be! The thought of cruising with my own sane and loving family may be the only thing that gets me through...truly.

Thanks again...you Passporter people are wonderful therapy!

IVY

**LizardCop** · 10-09-2004, 08:58 AM

TIP:

BREATHE

SUPPORT:

LOTS and remember you are surrounded by your loving passporter friends [img]http://smileys.*************.com/cat/8/8_8_10.gif[/img]

PIXIE DUST:

buckysmom · 10-09-2004, 09:14 AM

Oh, sweetie, if it weren't true, your MIL stories would be great Hollywood fodder! She sounds like a true nightmare drama queen! So my advice is...
thank God she isn't your mother (how DID DH survive???), breathe deeply, spend as much time in the bathroom, kitchen, whatever room she isn't in (or refuses to go in!), offer to go to the grocery/gas/whereever she refuses to go, and focus on the blue blue waters of your cruise.
You are loved, just not by this psycho woman...no big loss there!
You are understood in your love of Disney....just not by MIL or BIL...again, no big loss there (wouldn't it be scarier if they DID get it??).

As for your soon to be SIL, she IS a big girl and after all this time, looks like she knows what she's getting into. Some people are gluttons for punishment, some people say love is blind. Who knows

Here's a

and

from your PP friends!

GoofyMom · 10-09-2004, 09:10 AM

Oh...My....Goodness!!!

to you and your DH! Just keep thinking about that cruise!!

pparm · 10-09-2004, 09:45 AM

All I can say is...

Paula ºOº

katspjs · 10-09-2004, 10:01 AM

Nick and Ryans Mom · 10-09-2004, 10:18 AM

IvyandLace · 10-09-2004, 04:21 PM

Wow...I'm feelin' the love! Thanks guys!

My DH had the same thing to say concerning Sue when we were talking about "WHAT in the WORLD does BIL add to the relationship???"...love is, indeed, blind, and her tender and kind spirit probably wants to "help" him, you know? At least, that is the ONLY thing I have come up with!

I will be stockpiling the pixie dust and scooping it into my luggage to take with me! You are great! Thanks!

*continuing with her deep breathing exercises in preparation*

IVY

snoozy · 10-09-2004, 04:32 PM

Ivy, you have many friends here to support you.

Go to the wedding be as polite as possible and then go home.

Don't let their stress and negativity be yours.

Never talk Disney with them again, they obviously don't get it. That is very sad for them.

But, you get it and that's what matters.

We also have a rule that I've mentioned before on other post here on PP boards. Its a rule we go over with the kids on our drive down to Disneyland, its a rule we go over with my sister and her clan when we meet up with them at the park, and its a rule we go over with BIL and girlfriend, and whoever else meets up with us at the park its real simple. Whinners at Disneyland get dunked in the toilet and if they don't like the rule they can leave immediately.

Family members especially can be a pain in the you know what on any vacation. You sure have had your fill so, if I were you I wouldn't invite them to go anywhere with you again.

Let us know how the wedding turned out good or bad. And enjoy your up coming cuirse.

**DrDolphin** · 10-09-2004, 04:41 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Whinners at Disneyland get dunked in the toilet and if they don't like the rule they can leave immediately.

[/ QUOTE ]

most definately!!!

and

IvyandLace · 10-09-2004, 05:15 PM

Snoozy...what a wonderful idea!! If only I had thought of it earlier...or maybe not! *giggle*

I will definitely NOT bring up Disney at all, but I'm sure my MIL will...she has already made some not-so-subtle comments concerning the cruise that I will be taking with MY family. DH won't be able to go due to work (he's a schoolteacher, and his principal is a meanie!!) so she is very...ummm...jealous that my family has planned this. She wrote an email to me the other day that said, "Well, I know SOMEONE is probably too involved with her cruise, but I am getting excited about my son's wedding!" Grrr....! I'm pretty sure she will bring it up...along with our *wonderful* time at WDW that she will tell every single guest about in lorid detail...HER details.

Hmmm...maybe pneumonia?? Tranquilizers?? Narocotics??
Oh...I really don't want to deal with all this!

IVY