Pixie Dust for my Allan About This Page:

[BritDisFan]

DBF Allan's Nanny and Grandpop are getting very old. They still live in their house although they cannot cope at all well and constantly rely on family to come in every day and help them with food etc. Allan's Mum and his Aunt do a grand job of going round everyday but it is really wearing them out. They have both gone on a short holiday this weekend to relax and we are popping in on Nanny and Grandpop to check they are ok.

Allan went round there a 8.00pm this evening I stayed at home this time as Mum and my sister Laura were still here. Allan has rung me from their house a bit upset as Nanny thinks I am actually with him at their house and keeps asking Allan to make me a cup of tea and give me a biscuit etc. She also keeps talking to a teddy bear and tells him that she is very sad.

The last few times we have been round there Allan has been in tears on the way home in the car as he can't come to terms with the fact that they are very old and frail and Nanny seems to be very confused. This evening she was crying to Allan saying Grandpop was being very mean to her and shouting ( I don't think this is the case at all, he is a very sweet little man). She says he is always telling her off and being mean to her, he keeps saying that she is not taking her tablets properly and keeps spitting them in her tea and not drinking it.

They really both need proper care but Grandpop is too proud to accept help from anyone but the family. I don't know what to say to Allan it breaks my heart to see him in tears over it, I don't know what advice to give as all my grandparents are dead. I just wanted to get it off my chest really as I don't want to act sad around Allan and he is on his way home now. I honestly think of them as my grandparents too.


Karen

[Tara O'Hara]

Awwww, Karen! That must be awfully tough! I think that you are doing a great job just by being supportive! Sometimes, there isn't much you can say. Here is a large dose of and for both of you!

[loobyoxlip]

Oh, Karen, that is so sad. Lots of for Allan and his grandparents!!

[Jennifer2003]

Give Allan a hug for me...



Jennifer

[statelady01]

Sending lots of pixie dust and warm wishes your way - and Allan's too!

[Colexis Mom]

Sending both you and Allan lots of Karen. Such a tough time

[wdwlovers]

Sending Allan and the family lots of pixie dust. Elderly family members can be a tough situation.

[Wendyismyname]

Aww Karen! I'm so sorry! Boat loads of to you and Allen and to the grandparents too! It is very sad! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts!

[joyjoy]

Oh, Karen, that's so sad. I know exactly how Allan feels. My grandmother (86) is getting more and more confused everyday. My dad and his sister recently had to move her to an "assisted living community" and she doesn't like it at all. She'll phone my dad at 4 a.m. and tell him she's at the cabin in San Ygnacio, can he come pick her up? San Ygnacio is a small community about 10 miles from where she used to live but they never had a cabin there. Or she'll say she's at church and the service is over, can he come pick her up? It's so sad because, I'm sure Allan sees this, too, you don't know whether to go along with it (Okay, I'll come get you tomorrow) or confront them (You aren't at a cabin in San Ygnacio, you're in your apartment!). It's just a very difficult thing to see ones you love not on top of their game anymore. Good luck to you and Allan and nanny and grandpop.

[lkmom]

Sorry you are going through this. It is hard to deal with. You have each other and your love, and that will keep you strong. Allan is lucky to have you.

[MegglesMom]

Sending tons of your way...

[SarahJ]

Oh Karen, that is so hard. Tons of hugs and pixie dust to you and Allan. I hope that you all are able to come up with a solution that works for everyone.

[BritDisFan]

Thanks everyone for your kind words, Allan seems to be feeling much happier today. I just really wanted to get things off my chest when I posted last night. Allan didn't seem to want to talk about it much when he got home so I wasn't going to push anything. I really hope Grandpop decides they need help and are able to move somewhere more suitable for them both.

Thanks again you're the best .

Karen

[AmyAngel]

Pixie dust for you, Allan and his family. My grandmother struggled with Alzheimers for many years, and it was SO difficult to watch. She wouldn't always recognize people, she believed the nurse who stayed with them during the day was stealing from them, she would hide things from her purse in odd places throughout the house and forget where they were. It was SO sad, because you want to remember the fun person she was instead of the confused person she's become. My thoughts are with you all!

[HiddenMickey]

I hate to say this, but Allan's grandad may never actually come to the point of asking for help. It will be up to his family to make the decision to make a change for the grandparents. Sounds to me like it's time to move them out of their home to assisted living. They will resent it, but it will be much easier for those who are their caregivers now and much safer for them, as they will be constantly cared for instead of sporadically during the day.

My husband's grandparents went through this same thing about 3 years ago. They still resent leaving their home, but we know at this point they would not be living if it weren't for the move because they've had several health crises that would not have been caught were it not for the care facility.

My best wishes for your extended family as you work through these tough times. Pixie dust and hugs for everyone.

-HiddenMickey