How being a daycare provider is more difficult than I thought.
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guerns17 · 08-12-2016, 09:50 PM

So I'll preface this with saying I taught 6th grade special education for 3 years. I quit once I had my daughter. We were about a year into my stay at home mom time when my husband and I realized we were not making ends meet like we thought we would. So, I decided to do the daycare provider gig.

By daycare standards...I have it easy...I watch 2 kids, plus my own 2...6 days a month. The only difficult thing is I work generally 12 hour, sometimes 13 hour days. Still though...not horrible. There are worse jobs for sure!! All of this I can 100% live with. The thing that gets me, irks me, drives me crazy is how I have this teacher instinct still. As a teacher if a child was struggling with something I could make a plan, discuss the struggles with the parent and work my hardest to improve that child's life. I'm just not in that position anymore. I can't really let a parent know there kid is behind...without offending them at least.

I so badly want to tell the parents of the kids I watch that their 3 and a half year old should be able to pull up his own pants, put on a shirt and be fairly successful at easy slip on shoes.

I so badly want to tell them that the same three year old should be able to walk downstairs. (As of a few months ago he was still going down backwards...this is all due to them always carrying him down their stairs). I had to request, when I was pregnant that they teach him to use the stairs bc if I didn't carry him down at my house he'd sit at the top and refuse to come down.

I so badly want to tell them that the same three year old should be able to drink out of a normal cup by now. He only uses sippy cups at their house bc they don't want to clean up the mess. I gave him a regular cup today and he kept trying to take sips with his tongue in the cup. It was just so bizarre!!

All in all its just pure enabling and it drives me bonkers!!! He is SO capable of all these things and it frustrates me that his parents are not helping him live up to his potential. It's SO hard for me to not say anything to his parents..bc it's not my place. He will be attending pre school this year...hopefully his teacher will fill them in!

Okay..rant over..thanks for letting me get that out LOL. I hope I didn't offend anyone either..not my intention.

GingerJ · 08-12-2016, 10:24 PM

I can see how that would be frustrating!

You could probably still work with him on those things when you have him, and present them as a fait accompli when he's mastered them.

(I feel sure that's what I would do, and present it to the parents as something I had to do so I could manage all the kids at oce....years as a parent, Scout leader, sub teacher, military officer mean I'm not shy about cheerfully telling a child what to do and helping him learn it

)

HollyH · 08-12-2016, 11:29 PM

Well, as a PK teacher, I can assure you that his teacher will work on these things and speak with the parents.

I think that, even in your role as a day care provider, you can and should speak to the parents about your concerns. A child three and a half years old should be able to do all of those things easily and the fact that he isn't doing them could mean that there is an underlying issue. I would share your concern in a positive way, such as, "I am a little worried that Johnny cannot do x. Most three year old children can do that. How can I help him to learn to do this?" Maybe you could preface it with, "I know that Johnny will be going to preschool this year and they will expect him to be able to do xyz independently. How can I help you teach him how to do these things."

guerns17 · 08-13-2016, 06:17 AM

THANK YOU!!!!

I definitely try to work with him on things at my house. However. I see him 1-2 times a week and then he goes home where things are not reinforced so ...lets just say slow process.

I also try in a an indirect way to tell them to work on things with him. For example i asked her if he uses regular cups at home and she said no. So I told her I'm getting rid of sippy cups bc my daughter doesn't use them and the cups are a bit old and worn out. She claims he knows how to use a regular cup...he doesn't. The fact that she doesn't even realize this is alarming.

I also send notes home about our day and I'll include things like "Johny (not his name) did a great job using the potty today" "We are working on him pulling up his own pants".

From what I can tell...he doesn't have any underlying issues. I think he can be stubborn and not want to do certain things..like put on pants and to avoid tears or a tantrum they just do it for him. It makes me want to bang my head on a wall. How do they not realize they are holding him back?? Yes, teaching a child certain tasks can be a pain in the butt, but it doesn't mean you just don't do it then !!!! Oy vey!!!

A question...he will still have bathroom accidents..like yesterday he didn't quite make it and he forgets to hold "it" down when he goes. Won't this also be a pre-school issue?

HollyH · 08-13-2016, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guerns17

THANK YOU!!!!

I definitely try to work with him on things at my house. However. I see him 1-2 times a week and then he goes home where things are not reinforced so ...lets just say slow process.

I also try in a an indirect way to tell them to work on things with him. For example i asked her if he uses regular cups at home and she said no. So I told her I'm getting rid of sippy cups bc my daughter doesn't use them and the cups are a bit old and worn out. She claims he knows how to use a regular cup...he doesn't. The fact that she doesn't even realize this is alarming.

I also send notes home about our day and I'll include things like "Johny (not his name) did a great job using the potty today" "We are working on him pulling up his own pants".

From what I can tell...he doesn't have any underlying issues. I think he can be stubborn and not want to do certain things..like put on pants and to avoid tears or a tantrum they just do it for him. It makes me want to bang my head on a wall. How do they not realize they are holding him back?? Yes, teaching a child certain tasks can be a pain in the butt, but it doesn't mean you just don't do it then !!!! Oy vey!!!

A question...he will still have bathroom accidents..like yesterday he didn't quite make it and he forgets to hold "it" down when he goes. Won't this also be a pre-school issue?

Sadly, they are not doing him or themselves any favors. He will eventually need to learn to do all of these things, and the longer they wait to teach him and/ or require him to do them, the harder it will be for both of them. I know you know this, but this is one of my biggest pet peeves and I can see why it would drive you crazy!

The fact that he cannot (or will not) manage his clothing to use the bathroom and that he still has accidents could be a very big issue in preschool. Most preschools require that children be toilet trained unless there is a specific, identified physical or developmental issue. At my school, this includes being able to use the toilet when they need to without being told/reminded and managing all clothing on their own. If he cannot do these things, they may work with him and the family for awhile but he could risk having to leave the program until he is completely trained.

HollyH · 08-13-2016, 07:33 AM

You didn't mention this but I suspect that if they still give him a sippy cup because they don't want to deal with the mess, they might still put him in pull-ups vs. underwear. This is a big no-no in preschool. We require preschoolers to wear underwear. If they wear pull ups, we consider this to be "not toilet trained" and enrollment is deferred until the child can wear underwear during daytime hours.

guerns17 · 08-13-2016, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HollyH

You didn't mention this but I suspect that if they still give him a sippy cup because they don't want to deal with the mess, they might still put him in pull-ups vs. underwear. This is a big no-no in preschool. We require preschoolers to wear underwear. If they wear pull ups, we consider this to be "not toilet trained" and enrollment is deferred until the child can wear underwear during daytime hours.

He is just out of pull ups. However, the accident he had yesterday was so bad I had to give him a bath. He was soaked from socks to even his shirt. Pee all over my floor. Two weeks ago he peed his pants on my carpet. I guess it gave me an excuse to steam clean lol. I am diligent about asking him to go too so it's not like these accidents are happening bc he hasn't gone in 3 hours.

You all will love this too...yesterday when the kids were dropped off the baby was not in his usual car seat. I asked if they had bought him a convertible car seat. Nope, the baby's car seat was in the mother's car so the dad only had 1 car seat for 2 kids. Mom was already at work so he drove with the baby in the toddlers car seat and the toddler didn't ride in one. We live 30 minutes away. So un safe!!!

I just keep thinking SERENITY NOW..from Seinfeld lol

joelsmom · 08-13-2016, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guerns17

He is just out of pull ups. However, the accident he had yesterday was so bad I had to give him a bath. He was soaked from socks to even his shirt. Pee all over my floor. Two weeks ago he peed his pants on my carpet. I guess it gave me an excuse to steam clean lol. I am diligent about asking him to go too so it's not like these accidents are happening bc he hasn't gone in 3 hours.

You all will love this too...yesterday when the kids were dropped off the baby was not in his usual car seat. I asked if they had bought him a convertible car seat. Nope, the baby's car seat was in the mother's car so the dad only had 1 car seat for 2 kids. Mom was already at work so he drove with the baby in the toddlers car seat and the toddler didn't ride in one. We live 30 minutes away. So un safe!!!

I just keep thinking SERENITY NOW..from Seinfeld lol

Holy Smoke! I'm sad to have to say this, but that is child neglect, child endangerment, whatever legal terminology applies. This is far more than lazy parenting. This is blatantly unsafe. God only knows how often they've done something like this in the past. I am appalled. I know you feel in a somewhat awkward position, but don't you have some sort of legal obligation to report an unsafe environment?

Oh my!

HollyH · 08-13-2016, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guerns17

He is just out of pull ups. However, the accident he had yesterday was so bad I had to give him a bath. He was soaked from socks to even his shirt. Pee all over my floor. Two weeks ago he peed his pants on my carpet. I guess it gave me an excuse to steam clean lol. I am diligent about asking him to go too so it's not like these accidents are happening bc he hasn't gone in 3 hours.

You all will love this too...yesterday when the kids were dropped off the baby was not in his usual car seat. I asked if they had bought him a convertible car seat. Nope, the baby's car seat was in the mother's car so the dad only had 1 car seat for 2 kids. Mom was already at work so he drove with the baby in the toddlers car seat and the toddler didn't ride in one. We live 30 minutes away. So un safe!!!

I just keep thinking SERENITY NOW..from Seinfeld lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by joelsmom

Holy Smoke! I'm sad to have to say this, but that is child neglect, child endangerment, whatever legal terminology applies. This is far more than lazy parenting. This is blatantly unsafe. God only knows how often they've done something like this in the past. I am appalled. I know you feel in a somewhat awkward position, but don't you have some sort of legal obligation to report an unsafe environment?

Oh my!

I know that as a mandated reported, I would feel obligated to call about this incident. I know that in my state licensed day care providers are definately mandated reporters. If you are not licensed it is a bit murkier. You have to remember that a mandated reporter's job is not to investigate and deem whether or not an incident is severe enough to require action. A mandated reporter's job is to report instances of suspected harm or neglect that they are aware of to authorities who can investigate and follow up. A call to the hot line just to ask the question of whether or not this is something that should be reported will give you your answer. You can anonymously call and relay the incident (without naming the family) and ask if this is something you should report. They will tell you. You can report anonymously but I can tell you from experience that in a case like this it isn't hard for the family to figure out who made the report.

It certainly seems like a difficult situation for you.

Huntermom · 08-13-2016, 08:05 AM

As a parent, I think you should just work on the skills and explain to the child "at this house we do it this way." I represent adults and children in divorces and most kids can easily understand that.

If the parents don't want to teach their child, it may take you longer but eventually most kids like being a "big kid" especially if they are around other kids.

My grandson was two in June. He does all the things you expect . He's been eating with a fork or spoon since he was a year old (so many older kids still use their fingers). I think so many of these things take some time to teach but actually save time once they are accomplished.

I sometimes think my grandson's school is a little pushy (he is potty training already). BUt it must be peer pressure because he does better at this age than my boys did.

Keep doing what you are. And I would talk to the parents about making sure this child is on some kind of groups situation even if just a few hours a week.

Teresa · 08-13-2016, 10:46 AM

I can understand the car seat situation. It's a one-off, as far as you know, so I'd just let it go.
What I think you CAN say to them is something along the lines of "I know Johnny's going to be going to preschool next year, and I'm afraid he's just not going to adjust well as they'll expect him to be able to do these things by himself, all of the time. I'm very happy to help him here, but I know it's just not enough time for him to get it. Is there something I can do to help continue that at home?"

You could add in that since you got rid of the sippy cups, Johnny's had a difficult time, but he's starting to learn. (I taught my kids to use a regular cup at 9 months by putting ice water in it. They'd spill it and not like the cold. They learned very quickly how to drink out of a cup without spilling, with no ill effects.)

guerns17 · 08-13-2016, 11:54 AM

Yeah I'm not sure what I'll do. They definitely would know it was me! Unless they talked to people at their work about it. I'd rather them have called me and asked to pick the kids up! I have 2 extra car seats in case of emergencies. It wouldn't have thrilled me to do it but it's better than taking a risk. I wonder what would have happened if they got pulled over like that?

joelsmom · 08-13-2016, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guerns17

Yeah I'm not sure what I'll do. They definitely would know it was me! Unless they talked to people at their work about it. I'd rather them have called me and asked to pick the kids up! I have 2 extra car seats in case of emergencies. It wouldn't have thrilled me to do it but it's better than taking a risk. I wonder what would have happened if they got pulled over like that?

In my state, they would have been fined, the officer would have provided a car seat. I don't know what other consequences are, but I wouldn't be surprised if child services got involved.

revral · 08-13-2016, 02:14 PM

Not sure what I'd do in your situation. I think I'd at least follow Holly's suggestion of calling & asking if it's something that should be reported.

guerns17 · 08-13-2016, 02:42 PM

Okay..so i called and they said that although it is illegal they would only be investigated if the parent driving was suspected to be under the influence.

I think I am going to talk to the parents though and tell them if it happens again that I'll just come pick up the kids so that everyone is safe!