As adults, how often do you see your parents? About This Page:

[heatherwillmom]

This is something that DH & I don't always agree on. Both his father & my mother are older. His mother & my father have both passed away even though my mother has remarried. His father is getting up there in years. He was several years older that MIL. My parents didn't have kids for a long time after getting married. They had my sister & I came along several years later. We live about 20 minutes from FIL & 30 minutes from my mother. We call FIL every other day & usually take him out to eat once a week. He is not the most fun person to be around. He is obsessed with death & talks about it all of the time. He keeps saying things like" I don't know why God has let me live so long", or "I guess I'll be dying soon." He is in pretty good health. He had some heart problems years ago but had surgery & is doing pretty good. He sees his regular doctor & cardiologist on a schedule. He has always been a pessimist. He always says things that aren't always the nicest to everyone & complains about everything. Like when we take him out to eat, we always let him choose the place to eat, yet he complains about the food, service, etc. He gets a free meal because we always pay. We don't see my mom too often although I talk to her on the phone a lot. My mom has always been kinda strange. She's a very self-centered person. Also, no one in the family likes her husband. He's a real jerk although she doesn't always seem to see that. Like after Thanksgiving dinner last year, he said that he wanted to go home & went & sat in the car leaving my mom to carry everything to the car. We have them over to eat for holidays, picnics, birthdays,etc. We go to her house occassionally. DH keeps insisting that we don't spend enough time with his dad. It's all I can do to get the kids (15 & 17) to see him as much as we do. It's so depressing. Think of it as spending a lot of time with Eeyore. When we call him every other day, he says a few things to me & the kids, but talks more with DH. It's kinda like he doesn't want to talk to us. I think we do Ok in calling every other day, & take him out to eat or invite him over for dinner weekly. We always pick him up so he doesn't have to drive

[oldmom]

sounds like he is depressed unless he was this way before his wife passed. my mom was an eeyore also. we went over every day and called also. not fun but i don't regret having been there so much to watch over her. i just wish i could have gotten her out to more social things so she would have had more friends. maybe she would have been happier

[jimmymac]

My folks live in Vermont (winter in Florida), so only 3-4 times a year. I call every week

[heatherwillmom]

Originally Posted by oldmom

sounds like he is depressed unless he was this way before his wife passed. my mom was an eeyore also. we went over every day and called also. not fun but i don't regret having been there so much to watch over her. i just wish i could have gotten her out to more social things so she would have had more friends. maybe she would have been happier

he's always been like this except it seems to be getting worse. He seems to be talking about death more. It makes me want to hide all sharp objects from him. MIL was like that too, but she was more of a worrier about the worse possible situations.

[heatherwillmom]

I forgot a few details about our relationships with our parents. Both my mother & my FIL tend to critize everything that we do. My mother has always said things about how fat me, my sister, & my niece (who wears a size 8) are all of the time. She has never cared about hurting anyone's feelings. I was very close to my dad before he died. My kids worshipped him. FIL tends to act like SIL, BIL, & their child are perfect. We all live in the same town just on different ends. FIL thinks they are perfect because they go to the same church. We don't always go to church because due to a busy schedule, Sunday is usually the only day that we have to spend together doing fun family things. FIL talks about how smart my niece is although she doesn't make nearly as good grades as DD. He talks about how much SIL loves the kids that she teaches when she tells us that she hates them & only teaches because of all of the time off. We love all of our family, warts & all. I think DH spending time with his dad alone would be much better

[Sunshine Family]

Originally Posted by heatherwillmom

DH keeps insisting that we don't spend enough time with his dad. It's all I can do to get the kids (15 & 17) to see him as much as we do. It's so depressing.

I suggest that your DH visit more, but without you and the kids every time. That way your DH will be happier by visiting more, you'll have a break from Eeyore and it might make things better in the end.

[B.M.]

Originally Posted by Sunshine Family

I suggest that your DH visit more, but without you and the kids every time. That way your DH will be happier by visiting more, you'll have a break from Eeyore and it might make things better in the end.

This! I was going to say the same thing. Your dh obviously is close with his dad and he should spend as much time as he wants with him; but that doesn't mean you and the kids need to increase your time with him....

My parents are divorced. It goes in spurts... I've had times where I did good to see my mom a few times per year.... But, then this summer she has met up with us at the lake 2 or 3 times... I'd say on average I see her 5 times per year- Christmas plus the occasional bday party or genreal meet up...
My dad I seen an average of once per month.... Sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less...
When I don't always feel like visiting (in particular w/my mom) I try to remember that (1) she won't be around forever and (2) how much I will want to see my kids even when they are grown

[saremca]

We see my dad several times a week. He lives 3 blocks away. My mom passed away 8 years ago, but when she was alive it was the same. We saw them multiple times a week and I talked to my mom every day. But my parents were/are very laid back and unintrusive, easy to get along with. Brent goes out to breakfast with my dad almost every Saturday. I used to joke that he married me for my parents. He loves them.

My in-laws we barely see. My MIL lives about 20 minutes away, but never calls or comes over. Brent usually calls her once a month to check up on her and once in a blue moon when we are out that way we will stop by, but the family as a whole is not close. I haven't seen her in over a year...maybe even two. My FIL winters in Florida, calls once a week or once every two weeks. Haven't seen him in over a year either, and he hasn't seen my kids in 3 years. He just can't be bothered, and that's fine because he's not a very nice person. Brent has a very dysfunctional family, and honestly I think they all couldn't wait to get away from one another. It's kind of sad.

Originally Posted by Sunshine Family

I suggest that your DH visit more, but without you and the kids every time. That way your DH will be happier by visiting more, you'll have a break from Eeyore and it might make things better in the end.

This is what I would suggest as well. That way everyone is happy.

[Colexis Mom]

Both my parents and my inlaws are about 2.5 hours away from us (in different directions). I talk to my parents twice a week. Have been doing so since I left to go to college. DH probably talks to his parents more than that. They usually call him at work. I see my parents a couple of times a year. They come down for my birthday, either Thanksgiving or Christmas (we alternate), usually once over the summer, and once in the spring. Usually a little more for DH's family, but I've started sending him down by himself if he really wants to see them (he would go every 3 or 4 weeks I think if he could)! With the kids getting older and their activities, it's hard to find time to go away, and his parents won't drive to us, we have to go to them.

[MichaelF]

Maybe once per month. I am not close to either of my parents and have never been so its not unusual to not see them for lenghts of time.

[MichaelF]

Originally Posted by MichaelF

Maybe once per month. I am not close to either of my parents and have never been so its not unusual to not see them for lenghts of time.

Even though I don't see my parents often we do see my in-laws all the time. Sometimes it gets to me but then I hope I will see my kids that much when they are grown.

[krisk11]

Both of my parents are deceased (my dad died while I was in high school and my mom passed away last summer). I use to see my mom every week especially in the few years before she died. My dd was very close with her Gram and we drove her around and to all her errands at the end when she started having problems getting around. I still go to call her to tell her my latest news and then remember that I can't call her.

[DopeyGirl]

DH is in the military so we've never lived close to either of our parents. For the first (almost) 14 years of DH's Naval career, we were stationed on the East Coast and were a full day worth of flying from my parents and (at the closest) at least 12 hours' drive from DH's parents, so we only saw my parents maybe once a year (twice if they could make a trip out to see us) and DH's parents maybe twice a year (depending on his deployment schedule).

Now we're in WA . . . my parents are a 6 hour drive away in Oregon, so we see them every couple of months when one or the other of us can take a weekend trip down (or up, for them. ) I still call my mom every day . . . sometimes a couple of times, if I forgot to tell her something or need to tell her something else. DH's parents are in St. Louis so they are a bit further and we've only seen them once in the last year, but DH and the kids Skype with them once a week and they call at least once a week too.

[Connieq288]

We live right above my Inlaws so we see them all the time which the kids love right now especially my DD3. She loves her Papaw. Now my dad is a different story. My mom passed away in 2006 and they live in Florida and I live in NC. We go down at least once a year but I do have several brothers and sisters that live there in fact 2 of my sisters actually live with my dad so he doesnt get bored. In fact Im proud of him. He is going on a cruise with his brothers at age 72. He is Norwegian and they are going to Norway. He really is doing good.

[Ashli]

I see my parents usually twice a year, sometimes three times (always Christmas, and then sometimes at DS's spring break or in the summer). That said, I live 5 1/2 hrs driving away from them, and this is the closest I've lived to them since I went across the country for college at 17. So since I've lived away from their house, I've never really had the opportunity to see them on like a weekly basis. I'm sure a year or so ago and earlier I probably would have seen them often if we lived within an hour or so of each other. Last summer we had a bit of a falling out though, and while we still email often and talk occasionally, we are definitely not as close as we used to be.

We tend to see my IL's a little more often, but still not more than maybe 4 times a year. They live about 5 1/2 hrs away too, in the opposite direction of my parents. But they still live where DH and I went to high school/college, so many of our friends are still in that area too. We are often down there for weddings/new babies/etc., and we of course always see ILs when we are in the area.