Borrowing a car....WWYD About This Page:

[CinderAbby]

Here's the situation..

You're a smoker (prentend you are if you aren't). You borrow the car of a non-smoker. When you use the car, WWYD.

1. Get in and light right up, you don't care as you're using the car and you're going to do what you want with it.

2. Respect the non-smokers possesion and wait to light up?

3. Ask if you can smoke and at least crack the window when you do.

I ask only because yet again, my mother is proving she has absolutely no respect for me or my stuff. Her car is in the shop and since I had no plans to go anywhere today, I let her borrow mine (it was either that or be given a huge guilt trip). She works literally only a 1/2 mile up the street and she just came home from lunch. As she was leaving, I was standing at the back door to let the dogs in and my car door wasn't even shut and my mother was lighting one up. It is so sad she can't even go a 1/2 mile without a cigarette. And what makes it worse is EVERY time she borrows my car, she doesn't ever crack the window when she smokes - she leaves them up as tight as they can go so when I get my car back, it reeks of smoke . So badly in fact I've had people ask me why I took up smoking because they can smell it on me when I go into work or stores or wherever. And I can't even ask her not to smoke in my car because then she gets on her high horse and gets insulted "fine, I won't ever ask to borrow anything else or for any other kind of favor from you ever again. And BTW, if you don't like my smoking, you can just move out of the house." But yet when my brother comes over here to HER house with his kids, she'll go outside and smoke or to the bedrooom or basement and smoke because he asked her not to do it in the same room as his kids. And she says she doesn't play favorites with us.

Even Abby knows she smokes too much. On the way home from the shop last night (I had to drive over with her and drive her home), Abby sat in the front seat with me making the comment "Grammy can sit in the back, she smokes too much." But at least last night, mom opened the window. I just don't get why she won't do it when she's by herself in my car.

Okay, rant over. My mother is never going to change and not going to stop smoking but it just hurts everytime she displays that she has no respect for me.

[WeRDisneyFanatics]

I'm sorry, that would really irk me. I hate, *hate* the smell of cigarette smoke so I'd be very peeved if someone borrowed my car and gave it back all smokey smelling. If you can't ask her not to smoke in the car, can you ask her to keep the window opened so the smell doesn't seep into the upholstery as bad?

[Huntermom]

Seriously, you should move out and get a place of your own. This is just one example of the cost you pay for living with your mother. Everything has a cost and you are the only one who can decide when it is too much.

If you don't want to live in a smoker's home, don't. I cannot imagine feeling strongly about smoking (I do, no one smokes around me, in my home or car) and yet living with someone who smokes. But so long as it's her home, she has the right to smoke.

If she needs you there for financial or health reasons, you may have some leverage in getting her to change, but if not, your best option is to get a place of your own, with your rules.

I think your mother may show more respect for your brother because he is on his own, grown up so to speak. No matter how old you are, when you live with your parents, you remain their child in their mind.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but sometimes the harder thing is the better choice in the long run.

[omd]

I also hate the smell of smoke and do not allow anyone to smoke in my house or my car. It's to bad that your mom does not have enough respect for you or for the health of Abby to restrain from smoking in your car or in areas that you share.
I am sure there are good reasons that you are living with her, and cannot be in your own home. Unfortunately she feels like it's her house and you have to deal with it, but that does not give her the right to subject you or your family to second hand smoke especially in your car. Hopefully the time will come soon when you will have your own place and make your own rules.

[CinderAbby]

Seriously, you should move out and get a place of your own.

What we should do and what we can actually do are so opposite of each other it's not even funny. You know that old saying "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer?" That applies to us. We were doing somewhat okay when Lenny was at the carwash - he made enough so we can pay for food and the bills we have but not enough to pay for a house or an apartment. When he was laid off from there and got the job at Walgreens, he started making 2 something less an hour and with no company health insurance, he was bringing home about the same as the carwash. We've been okay with that. Now that we have to decide something about company health insurance, unless we can get some sort of financial aid he won't bring home enough to even pay the bills we have been paying let alone the high deductibles the insurance brings (and with him having chest pains more frequently lately, that means a lot of forseaable doctor visits) or an apartment or house.

[scrappyjae]

I understand completely. My Step-father drove us to the airport in my car and picked us back up in my car and when I looked in the ashtray there were cigarette butts. He smoked in his car, but not my Mother's car. It sent me over the edge. I told my mother as I was furious. He never did this again. And we never thought he would give up smoking, especially since he retired and spent half of his day on the porch swing, smoking up to almost 2 packs a day. Fast forward about a year later, and he has quit because now he has COPD, atrial fib and pancreatitis. He was coughing so bad while smoking that he would literally pass out on my Mother who could not get him back up due to back problems (hx of a fractured back). Now that he isn't smoking, no more passing out or hearing the coughing fits that were so bad you just wanted to push him out of the car or shoot him.

Maybe if she develops some type of problem, she will quit. Eventually it will catch up with her.

[HiddenMickey]

I'd put my foot down. You can't borrow the car, if you plan to smoke when you are in it. AND, you can't smoke when you are in my car. Surely she can have some self-control for a short period of time. You can't dictate what she does in her property, but you should be able to dictate what happens in yours. Good luck!!

[JoanneS]

I'd be upset, too. I think a new rule has to be established: no one smokes in your car ever. And, instead of letting her borrow your car, offer to drive her where she needs to go. No smoking. I do understand that in her house, you have to go by her rules, but in Your car, you should ask her to go by your rules. Good luck!

[chillepepa]

My best friend is a smoker, She does smoke in her car. But on the few occasions we have switched cars, she waits to light up. there has only been one time that she felt so stressed riding in the car with me that she needed to smoke, she rolled the window down and hung her head out the window. She is now moving in with the kids and I. She has no intentions of smoking in my house. I told her she could smoke in the garage and she told me no, that is too close to the house.

Darlene, I'm sorry you have to put up with it. Mothers can be so difficult.

[elis mom 08]

My mother in law is the same way! She would ask us to go somewhere with her and whether it was her car or ours, she would light up with my son in the car! It peeves me off to no end. I eventually put my foot down with her about a lot of things, and now we don't have a relationship at all!

[mzozzietj]

Wow, that is horrible! I wouldn't even let someone in the car if they insisted on smoking with my child in the car. DH used to smoke in our cars and I set the ground rules before we even left the hospital. He whines and sometimes we have to make stops on long road trips for him to have a cigarette. I even bought him one of those Blu Ecigarettes to help with the craving if needed.

I know it's your mom but I'd be more concerned about the effect on your kids than on the car. Again this is all just MY opinion so take it or leave it... but if she ever asked again I would tell her she could only borrow it with the condition that she does not smoke inside the vehicle.

Good luck though!

[jimmymac]

That is so rude. It's your car, she should abide by your rules. In some states smoking with a child in the car is illegal

[lukeandbrookesmom]

[Cheriemek]

Your mother is doing you a wonderful favor allowing your family to live with her. I would keep the smoking in the car in that perspective (also, it takes too much energy to be irritated!).

[heatherwillmom]

I've been there. My sister is a heavy smoker. I not only don't smoke but took allergy shots for years because others smked around me including my sister. Her car was in the shop so I let her use mine & told her not to smoke in it. When she brought it home, it had a strong odor of cigerettes. She said she didn't smoke in it. I had to leave it in the garage with the windows open to get the smell out. I told her she could walk before I would let her drive it again.