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There are other changes as well.
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We go on to the joy and through the tears
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Moving on with the current of the years.
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To a new day, we go on.
It's time to move on and move forward.
PassPorter is a small business, and for many years it supported our family. But the world changed, print books took a backseat to the Internet, and for a long time now it has been unable to make ends meet. We've had to find new ways to support our family, which means new careers and less and less time available to devote to our first baby, PassPorter.
But eventually, we must move on and move forward. It is the right thing to do.
So we are retiring this newsletter, as we simply cannot keep up with it. Many thanks to Mouse Fan Travel who supported it all these years, to All Ears and MousePlanet who helped us with news, to our many article contributors, and -- most importantly -- to Sara Varney who edited our newsletter so wonderfully for years and years.
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So we encourage you to stay in touch with us and your fellow community members wherever works best for you!
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My mom is having elective surgery in a few weeks. The surgery is out of town, 2 hours from where I live. By her own accord she only has me and my brother to go with her. He has to work. So really that just leaves me. You know, because I do not work, I just have 3 kids 3, 5, 7. My 5 year old goes to preschool (8:30-noon), my 3 year old is home all day and I homeschool my 7 yr old. I do not really have anything to do ALL day long.
So here are my options:
1) Not go and be the scum of the earth. (by her account because she has no one else - as if that is my fault)
2) Ask my dad to take off 2 days from work to keep my kids.
3) Ask dh to take off 2 days from work to watch the kids.
4) Take my kids with me.
4 does not seem like much of an option to me. We would be sitting in either the hospital waiting room or her hotel room.
Oh, and I have to spend the night and go back to the hospital with her the next day.
I completely understand why she wants to have this surgery. I want her to have the surgery if it will make her happy.
There just needs to be someone else to go with her.
I am I wrong? Should I want to go with her?
BTW - if this were non elective, I would be there no question about it. I spent nights (in a chair) with my dad in the hospital when he had cancer along with my 4 month old nursing son.
I am not trying to be selfish or mean this just seems like ALOT to ask of me. It is really stressing me out. She can be very hurtful is she does not get her way. I guess that is what I fear - telling her no. Isn't that crazy?! A grown women feeling this way.
Thanks for the feedback!
__________________
WDW Oct . 2012
Since Minnie's chair is gone, I had to find a new place to have our photo taken this past Oct. Not sure this will be the permanent place.
Last edited by fairestofthemall; 04-13-2010 at 02:16 PM..
Reason: added
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Since your dad taking your mom is not an option, I assume they are no longer together? If they were, seems like he should watch your kids in exchange for taking her to the surgery.
I am also a mom of 3 kids. There is a lot to balance at home as it is, and to be gone for 2 days would be incredibly stressful, especially for an obligatory reason, and not a "fun" reason or one of your choosing. It not only involves childcare, but handling all the other "balls" while you are out of the home. It would not be fair for your DH to take off work to stay home unless he has a job with lots of flexibility and time off.
I've had to ask my DH to take off of work to watch DD while I flew my DM up
for a funeral of my uncle. My DM has memory issues and can't fly by herself.
I felt bad asking my DH to do this, but he was able to work some from home.
There are 5 of us kids and we rotate mom duties since my DDad passed away
in January.
Not knowing a lot of your background with your mom, it almost sounds to me like you don't overly get along. If that's the case I'd go with number one as your kids are your priority now, not trying to make someone happy who may not be happy in the long run anyway even if you do go. Good luck though whatever you decide.
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My only concern with not helping is that helping out is something families do. I guess it would depend on if your mother does things for you. Has she helped you out with your kids, your home or husband? If so, I think you need to suck it up and help. If not, you may be justified in turning her down.
Can you also talk to your brother about doing one day? Can you bring the kids and get a sitter at the hotel? You may not have to actually be at the hospital that much.
My mother was diagnosed with cancer when my boys were a new born and just over 2. They spent many hours in hospitals and doctors offices and I actually think they learned a lot about how to act in an unual situation as well as fun things like how to make a glove into a balloon.
My only concern with not helping is that helping out is something families do.
I have three girls the same age as yours and if I were in your position I would probably take them all with me. Another option might be if your dad could take them one day and your DH the second day. That way they each only take one day off work.
__________________
My Happy Place
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"When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable." ~ Walt Disney
My younger girls spent many, many hours in hospitals all over the midwest from the time they were newborns until just a few years ago, because of their older sister Samantha. Some of those times were voluntary (but needed) surgeries. They learned to walk in hospitals (both of them!).
I see nothing wrong with taking the kids with you, as long as your kids can understand they can't run about being loud.
Is there anyone you can find to keep the kids during the day? DO you belong to a home-school group? Someone from pre-school? Church? You might have to split the kids up, but they might like that. Then, your DH can pick them up (or have them delivered) and keep them for the evening and night. It's not easy - but it's doable.
You might just need to step back and think about this without the emotion of "She's my mom, but she did ............. when I was little".
Maybe it'll be a good time to work through anything that happened.
You might just need to step back and think about this without the emotion of "She's my mom, but she did ............. when I was little".
Well, it isn't so much what she did when I was little as what she has said and done since I have been grown. 3 weeks ago she would not talk to me, told me I was no longer her daughter, she would just pretend I was dead. Why did she say all these things? Because I was taking my girls to see their other grandmother. Last week she made up a reason she had to come see us - the real reason for the visit is she needed someone to go with her to have her surgery. So then, all was forgiven - that bad thing I did by taking my children to see their other grandmother. She has done this my whole entire life. I could tell you things she has said to me that would stop you cold. Ugly, mean, spiteful things that should never be said to anyone let alone your child.
She has mentally abused me all of my life.
I ask my dh all the time to move away so that I can have a great distance between my mom and I.
I love her very much, she is my mom. I just never know if I will get the loving mom or the hateful mom. I am stressed and on pins and needles every time I talk to her or see her. When she was coming on Easter, I thought I would have a panic attack.
So in a nutshell, I feel bad not to go but I will feel bad to go. I do not think it is fair of her to ask me to go. Why should she expect my dad or my dh to take off work so she can look better?
Thanks for all the advice. I still have no idea what to do.
__________________
WDW Oct . 2012
Since Minnie's chair is gone, I had to find a new place to have our photo taken this past Oct. Not sure this will be the permanent place.
Well, it isn't so much what she did when I was little as what she has said and done since I have been grown. Ugly, mean, spiteful things that should never be said to anyone let alone your child.
She has mentally abused me all of my life.
I ask my dh all the time to move away so that I can have a great distance between my mom and I.
So in a nutshell, I feel bad not to go but I will feel bad to go. I do not think it is fair of her to ask me to go. Why should she expect my dad or my dh to take off work so she can look better?
Thanks for all the advice. I still have no idea what to do.
My heart goes out to you.
You need to take care of yourself and your family first.
Do not go.
She is manipulative. Out of your life one day...back in your life when she needs a favor? Going may put you in her good graces...for a time...and not going may mean you are "dead" to her again...until the next favor is needed. If you go, you are perpetuating the cycle.
Well, it isn't so much what she did when I was little as what she has said and done since I have been grown. 3 weeks ago she would not talk to me, told me I was no longer her daughter, she would just pretend I was dead. Why did she say all these things? Because I was taking my girls to see their other grandmother. Last week she made up a reason she had to come see us - the real reason for the visit is she needed someone to go with her to have her surgery. So then, all was forgiven - that bad thing I did by taking my children to see their other grandmother. She has done this my whole entire life. I could tell you things she has said to me that would stop you cold. Ugly, mean, spiteful things that should never be said to anyone let alone your child.
She has mentally abused me all of my life.
I ask my dh all the time to move away so that I can have a great distance between my mom and I.
I love her very much, she is my mom. I just never know if I will get the loving mom or the hateful mom. I am stressed and on pins and needles every time I talk to her or see her. When she was coming on Easter, I thought I would have a panic attack.
So in a nutshell, I feel bad not to go but I will feel bad to go. I do not think it is fair of her to ask me to go. Why should she expect my dad or my dh to take off work so she can look better?
Thanks for all the advice. I still have no idea what to do.
Your story is ringing soooo true to me.
I have one of those as well.....the controlling, hit you out of left field, make you feel guilty, angry and crazy all at the same time kind of mothers. One minute you are the "chosen one" and the next, you're having the "mac daddy of all guilt trips" laid on ya before you can even see it coming. If it were my mother putting me in this position, I'd almost bet it was a control thing. Trying to get me to drop everything that was important in MY life to cater to her.
What would I do?? I'd take the kids and go.
Id like to say #1 from your list but that is something my brother would do.
Can you ask your brother to take one day off and you go the next day?. It's not ideal to ask someone to lose a days pay but she is his mother too, and you've got children to be there for. Some places give you personal time when an immediate family member had surgery, they don't have to know exactly what it is.
Best of luck making your decision. At the end of the day only you know what is good for you.
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