Do Parents Get Gifts? About This Page:

[Nimros]

Renee's question over in the Sunroom prompted me to ask this question - I'd like to know if I'm off-base in my thinking....

Do you buy your parents something for Christmas? And for those of you who have older kids, do they buy you a gift, too?

From the time I was a small child, I always bought my mom and dad something for Christmas - even if it was just a little trinket from the 'dime store'!! In fact, when I was cleaning out my parent's house after they passed on, I found some of the Christmas presents I had bought them when I was little - even though the gifts were really goofy, they must have treasured them.

And I always got them gifts when I was older, too. True, they didn't want a lot of 'stuff' as they got on in years, but mom always liked a box of her favorite candy or a new pair of house slippers; dad was happy with a book or something for his model railroad.

I couldn't imagine NOT getting my parents a gift!!

So when I married my DH, I was totally surprised to find his 2 teens didn't get him anything for Christmas. At first I thought maybe it had to do with his divorce from their mom, etc. - but he told me for the last few years he lived with them, they still didn't get him anything.

But of course, they were always over on Christmas day - waiting for their 'cards' from their dad. This continued on until they were both in their mid-twenties when I decided to say something about it to them. I mentioned to his DD that I was surprised she never bought her dad anything for Christmas, and that although he didn't show it, it really bothered her dad. And then I told her not all families exchange gifts and that was perfectly okay. How did she want to do things for Christmas?

I think I must have caught her by surprise - she said just sending Christmas cards and a phone call would be fine (we were living out-of-state by that time.) So...that's what we've been doing for a few years. Just cards - no more checks. (However, we do send baby granddaughter presents!)

So am I nuts for thinking that kids should include their parents on their Christmas list?

[TMWIlson7196]

Yes I always buy my parents gifts. They are divorced but I do buy for each one of them.

[snoozin]

I've always bought my parents gifts; they're extremely hard to buy for, tho. They don't like knicknacks and stuff like that. They don't do flowers (at all -- allergies), they've got very specific tastes. It's a struggle every year! This year I might break down and get them something Disney .... Not (I'll just keep it for me ).

I stopped getting presents at 12; they decided that was the magical age of not receiving gifts -- I was too old. (Never quite forgiven them for that, you know.) We still give our eldest, 21, gifts. Christmas is magic for me, and I hope I always feel that way!

[BritDisFan]

Yes we always buy our parents gifts, I love buying presents for them.

[Disney_Scarlett]

I always buy my parents gifts. When I was younger, my dad would take me shopping for my mom, and vice versa, as at age 9, I didn't exactly have any income or a way to get to the mall. I remember one of my friends telling me as a kid, she used to wrap up stuff that was already sitting around the house and give it to her parents. Anyway, I still give them gifts - can't imagine not!

[Happymommy]

I've been giving my parents gifts since I was 6 years old (I still remember going to buy my mom a bottle of Jean Nate with my allowance money). I still give them and DH's parents gifts now as well---- that's odd not giving parents a gift.

[ripkensnana]

While my mother always says she doesn't want anything for Xmas, I always get her something, even something small....because I know what will happen if I forget her....

Now you're all wondering...what will happen????

This....(story here....) My youngest DS came to visit last December. She'd told him not to get her anything for Xmas, so he didn't....however, he got me a Mickey Italian charm bracelet, which he made the mistake of giving me in front of her....I'm still hearing about it....The fact that he gave me the present right there, and didn't give her anything, even though she said she didn't want anything....apparently I wasn't supposed to get anything either.....

[WDWfan]

I always give both my parents Christmas gifts. My family is big on Christmas and my DMom has always given each of us many gifts every year. It's getting harder for her to do all of the shopping (she's 79) so this year she isn't sure what she'll do. No matter. Mom and Dad will still have a gift under the tree from me and my siblings.

[Lemap760]

I always buy my parents gifts. It's a little difficult because I also have to do my mother's B-day gift. Her B-day is December 27th. I always get them something from my son as well. They always appreciate it. Usually for my Dad we end up getting him one big gift and everyone chips in. This year he said he wants a new leather recliner.

I think this is all in the way you are raised. My Mom always bought gifts for both sets of grandparents and gifts that were from us kids for the grandparents. I couldn't imagine not giving them gifts on Christmas.

[mcc0313]

We always by my parents gifts...while we did limit the gift giving between siblings (the deal is a frame with new neice or nephew picture...lol) we still always by my parents gifts. I usually get them from me and then from my kids...

However they still hang my stocking and while it is usually filled with shampoos and stuff I love it just as much and my parents still buy us each gifts....but their parents and my parents still exchange as well...

I can't see a child no matter how grown not getting anything for their parents....

[Jennifer Marx]

This is something I've always wondered about myself, and in fact was just talking to Dave about last night. From the time I can remember, I've given presents to my parents and still do. From about the time I was 8 or 9, giving the presents was something I looked forward to more than getting the presents. I still feel this way. But Allie doesn't give presents to Dave, unless I buy something for her to put her name on. I've tried taking her to the store to buy stuff (that works okay, but I still have to pick the stuff out for the most part) and tried having her earn money by doing chores so she can truly get the presents herself (doesn't work at all). And both are nearly impossible when she only arrives for Christmas break the day before our Christmas celebrations and hasn't given any thought to presents. She just doesn't seem to care about giving presents, which really bums me out. I think wanting to GIVE is a helpful attribute in life.

On the upside, she did call me on my birthday this year.

[Nimros]

Originally Posted by Jennifer Marx

This is something I've always wondered about myself, ..... She just doesn't seem to care about giving presents, which really bums me out. I think wanting to GIVE is a helpful attribute in life.

On the upside, she did call me on my birthday this year.

Me, too, Jennifer.

In my own personal observations, I 've noticed 3 different factors (and I'm sure there's more) that seem to be affecting kids/adults abilities to give.

Like someone posted, a lot of it is how we were taught as kids. I find that people who grew up in families that regularly give to others tend to also give freely.

You can also have kids who like to give - but not to everyone because they become confused or uncertain about the receiver. For example, my older two always liked to choose presents for our family members when they were young. When DS was 2 and a half,we told him to pick out something for grandpa, just to think of what grandpa would like. DS chose a box of Hostess Twinkies for him - because he knew they were his grandpa's favorite treat (grandpa said that was the best gift he'd ever gotten! )

But since my first husband and I divorced, my DS will buy gifts for me or his sisters - but just shows no interest in buying his dad anything. He says he has no idea what his dad would want. Whether that's because he feel more distant towards his dad, or is uncertain how the gift would be received or just doesn't care - I don't know.

Fortunately, the third factor seems more rare - but some kids just seem to feel they deserve everything given to them - and have no clue that life is more than just receiving.

[tkmom1972]

with so many extended family we don't get everyone a gift just for our own kids and my dad gets all the grand kids something that they open all together when the fam gets together. my sibs and i pull our money and get my dad something and tell him its from all of us kids and grand kids. I give my kids gift cards to use to buy presents for who ever they want just not on them selfs and this gives them a since of being their own money and how to budget it

[Colexis Mom]

I buy presents for my parents We don't buy presents for DH's parents My kids don't really get us anything......maybe something they made in school or they'll handmake a card at home (which is what I'd prefer anyway)

[SarahJ]

My family and DH's family are completely opposites on the gift giving issue. My family does gifts for the children only. So at Christmas my nieces and my daughters are the only ones opening gifts. Sometimes we give my parents photos of the girls because that and our time are really all they want from us.

DH's family is all about presents though. We give DH's dad gifts as well as his dad's girlfriend and her older kids. It gets to be a lot in my opinion, especially when they are a wealthy family that really doesn't need anything. I've tried to scale things back a bit by giving framed photos of the kids, which FIL loves, but DH always goes and buys something on top of that. This year I'm thinking of doing a scrapbook of the girls for FIL. Every year I tell DH we should just make a big donation in everyone's name. He hasn't agreed to that one yet.