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So we encourage you to stay in touch with us and your fellow community members wherever works best for you!

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Old 10-25-2007, 05:50 PM   #1
akleos
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UGH! My Mother! =vent=

My Mom sent the family a care package for Halloween. It was really nice, and DS was very excited about it so I called her so she could talk to him (in case you didn't remember, DS has a speech delay so when he is excited to talk about something you've got to discuss it with him right then and there or you don't get much out of him at all). Anyway. I call my Mom, and I have DS talk to her and all goes well. And then she wants to talk to me. I don't know what kind of mood she is in... maybe it is because there is a full moon tomorrow night, because my MIL is acting the same way this past week, but as the conversation went on she became more and more openly critical of the way I choose to raise my kids. She's throwing out unsolicited advice and telling me how I "need" to be playing with DD and how I ought to be playing with her... how my housework shouldn't be more important than the kids (Dsis is coming over today so I happened to be cleaning while I was on the phone with Mom), telling me that I need to do this and that with DS, and suggesting that I don't do much with him to continue his speech development (oh really? why do you suppose I called you today, then? Because I didn't get enough criticism from DMIL who I've had to grin and nod with four times already this week?) That DD should have this kind of structure and DH should be at home more to help me, and blah blah blah. UGH. This on the heels of getting a barrage of unsolicted advice about potty training DS from MIL yesterday, and Tuesday, and Monday... oh and Sunday. I just want to scream!! AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

I know that they mean well... but it's just plain old annoying to have to listen to this kind of crap day in and day out. They both berate me in a one-on-one, but when anyone else around to listen, you'd think I'm the greatest Mother on the planet. What the =bleep= is that all about?

Deep breath. =ahhhhhhh=

Thank you. I feel 80% better now. I'll feel 100% better, I think, if at the end of the day, MIL hasn't called! Yeouch. But it's very true.
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Old 10-25-2007, 05:52 PM   #2
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All I can say is I understand completely and my prayers are with you. My mother is a real lulu too.
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Old 10-25-2007, 06:13 PM   #3
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I hope everything gets better. I think that all DMs and DMils think that they know more about your kids than you do. Good luck!!
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:02 PM   #4
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:17 PM   #5
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One of my parenting boards has the bean dip response.... Basically you thank the intrusive relative for their opinion and then switch the topic quickly. If you are at a large family gathering (which is where much of this type of thing occurs) you change the topic by asking the person to "pass the bean dip," and then walk away!

Not sure how well the idea would work with you mom, but it does work well w/ more distant relatives!

Maybe you just need to sit your mom down and say... thanks so much for your input but you got your chance to raise your kids... please let me raise mine. Of course in a little bit nicer way.

Then your dh has the same conversation w/ your MIL... NOT you.!!

Hope that helps some?
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:12 PM   #6
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:18 PM   #7
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I know that they mean well... but it's just plain old annoying to have to listen to this kind of crap day in and day out. They both berate me in a one-on-one, but when anyone else around to listen, you'd think I'm the greatest Mother on the planet. What the =bleep= is that all about?
My mother does the same thing. Only thing is, my situation is a little worse - we live together so there is no avoiding it by not answering/making a telephone call.

Thankfully, I don't get it from MIL, but I only see her once a year at Christmas time, which is sad since she only lives about 1/2 hour away. But she doesn't like me and never has (don't know why) and she's always down on my DH - her son. DH says it's because he looks too much like his mom's brother whom she didn't get along with. It's a can of worms I don't want to open so I don't ask. But anyway,she doesn't call us and I never call her. And Abby, being Abby, seems quite happy in not knowing her other grandmother.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:35 PM   #8
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:45 PM   #9
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I have a family member who always tells me how to live my life and raise my kids. (they don't have any kids) And anything else they think I am doing wrong in my life. We don't talk anymore and at first I was sad, now I am not.


So sorry your Mom and DMil is like that to you!
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Old 10-25-2007, 08:08 PM   #10
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I know the secret to why they act like you're the best mom on the planet in front of others and get on your back one-on-one. They believe your parenting is a direct reflection of how they raised you and your DH. If they berate you in front of others, it's the same as announcing to the world that they raised you wrong.

I get it all the time. Except no one ever stopped my mother from leaving a store or restaurant to tell her how well-behaved my brother or I were. DJ gets that a lot.

Wanna really throw a wrench in the works? Ask them point blank in front of someone else how they like your parenting. Then, when they get on your back again in private, you can, with perfect recall, parrot their "public" answer right back at them. "But the last time you were here, you said..." My mom and MIL know I'm not going to be diplomatic in response to them questioning how I choose to parent, so it works for me because I won't walk on eggshells to please them. YMMV.
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Old 10-25-2007, 08:20 PM   #11
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Old 10-25-2007, 08:57 PM   #12
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Old 10-25-2007, 09:02 PM   #13
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My mother does the same thing to me and my sister. We have what we nicknamed the "bad mothers club" as a joke because we can never do anything right raising our children according to her.
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Old 10-25-2007, 09:32 PM   #14
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I'm so sorry; just tell them you learned from the best and you're raising your kidlets just like they raised you and your DH. That should shut them up. Many, many
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Old 10-25-2007, 09:48 PM   #15
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Why is it one of the two most important people in our lives is also the biggest pain in the .................???? I always got a long great with my dad...but my mom. Well thats a whole nother story. Is it the mothers job to annoy the children?? Well I do not know. Most moms do a great job of raiseing kids. Where would we be without them? And yet------there is that invisible wire that forces moms to never let go and let the children live their own lives. Sorry no easy answer--I am just thinking outloud. Well there is one easy answer but I am still at work and can't start drinking wine.
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