Just bringing our saga up to date-long
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Suzie · 05-02-2007, 11:52 AM

I waited until I finished writing my trip report from Feb. before I started on this story. I felt like I have had so much drama in my life lately that everyone was going to be tired of hearing about it and so I wanted my most recent posts to be something nice about Disney.
Anyway, this is why it took me so long to finish my report (which was only for a three days trip for goodness sake!).
My youngest son, who as you know has been having a very hard time dealing with the loss of his father, had been working very hard at school to bring his grades back up to qualify to go on the 8th grade class trip to Washington DC. He was going to study table in the morning, staying after to work with a teacher on two nights, working with a math tutor on Thursday nights and attending grief counseling. His grades were beginning to improve a lot.
Then about 3 weeks ago I got a call from the Vice-Principal saying that Leon was in serious trouble at school. He said that Leon had taunted a kid from his class during gym. I was taken aback as Leon is really not the sort to do that kind of thing (which the VP also mentioned. )but then, mothers don't always know everything that goes on. I asked what he had said and the VP said, "He told the boy that he ran like his coach's son." I waited a moment expecting something more. That didn't sound like much of a taunt to me but then maybe the coach's son ran funny? Nope, that wasn't it. The problem was that the kid that Leon "taunted" was autistic and when he gets upset he has to miss school, sometime for a couple of days.
Well, I felt terrible. I know about autistic kids and I know that several people on these boards have kids who struggle daily with this. The idea that my son would intentionally bother someone with this problem was very distressing to me, not to mention sounding out of character for Leon who has attended school with kids with special needs ever since kindergarten as they mainstream them in our system. I had heard Leon complain that this "little" kid in his class (Leon is very big, Taylor is quite short) had been pestering him for some time. But he always laughed when he said it and never indicated that it was a big deal. Anyway, I asked the VP if Leon knew that Taylor was autistic and he said no. The VP said that he regretted having to discipline Leon so severely for this since Taylor tried to attack him after he was "taunted" but that Taylor could not be punished because of his disability. Leon was going to get 6 points ( 12 points and you can't go on the trip) and Saturday detention. I told the VP that I understood that if Leon had done something unacceptable, he needed to be punished.
I could hear him sobbing in the background and I asked the VP to tell him that I loved him and that we would talk later.
When Leon got home he was quite upset and gave me the paper that I had to sign saying that I had been informed of the infraction of the rules. What is said was that Leon was getting 6 points and Saturday detention and another 6 points for interferring with another students right to education (since Taylor would presumably be missing school). He was devastated because now he could not participate in the class trip that he had been working so hard for. I did call the school the next day and ask about the points as I had been quoted 6 and now it was 12 and they said they didn't know that they had to give points for both things (?). Anyway, he said that he had just been joking around with Taylor and didn't mean anything horrible by saying "you run like the coach's son," he was just being silly. He swore that he didn't know that Taylor was autisic and he felt really bad that he had upset him so much. He was really afraid about what would happen when Taylor got back because he didn't know how to treat him or respond to him as now he was paranoid that something else would happen.
Turns out he was right to be concerned. On Tuesday of last week in English class, Taylor, who sits in the front of the room, got upset about something and in the general chaos of class, someone laughed (according to Leon, not AT Taylor) but Taylor thought it was directed at him. He turned around and ran back to where Leon was sitting and slugged him in the eye. The teacher, fortunately for Leon, witnessed the whole thing and said Leon wasn't laughing and did nothing to provoke Taylor and in fact didn't even react when he hit him. So she took Leon to the nurse and Taylor to the VP. (The VP has since apologized to Leon for being so hard on him, but of course that doesn't change anything about the trip.)
I am glad that Leon has been cleared of being deliberately mean to Taylor. What is sad is that he was working so hard for that trip and now he is just depressed about it. As if he needed more depression.
And what is saddest of all is that Leon liked Taylor, and until this all happened, they were friends. I feel sorry for them both. They are, after all, still just kids.
Anyway, I was kind of hesitant to write about this, especially when it first happened because I didn't want to make my kid sound like a bully. He really is not.
Thanks for listening.
Suzie

GATechGal · 05-02-2007, 12:04 PM

Heavy sigh. Suzie I'm so sorry that y'all are having so much trouble. Tell Leon not to stop trying to turn things around even though this seems like a really big punsihment for such a small infraction. Is there really no where you can appeal and see if there is some kind of a reduction in sentence. It would seem that if Leon didn't know that Taylor was autistic and that a little teasing would cause him to miss school, that 6 whole points seems like a lot. Now if he knew and did it anyway, then it seems fair. Pixies for better days ahead.

**LizardCop** · 05-02-2007, 12:26 PM

Most schools have an appeal process for things like this, check into it and see how your system works. By appealing the decision and explaining the circumstances, you might get some or all of those points removed in time for the trip.

NanaTink · 05-02-2007, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizardCop

Most schools have an appeal process for things like this, check into it and see how your system works. By appealing the decision and explaining the circumstances, you might get some or all of those points removed in time for the trip.

Hope things work out for him! It does seem extremely harsh when no harm was meant! If he knew and did it anyway, that's one thing! Can Leon do something extra for good behavior points to remove some so that he can go on the trip?

for Leon!

krisk11 · 05-02-2007, 12:29 PM

I am so sorry for Leon. The 12 points does seem extreme since Leon didn't even know that Taylor was autistic and would react the way he did. It is very hard for adults to think before they speak sometimes and even harder for children. Couldn't they change one of the punishments to 5 points instead of 6 so he could still go on the trip?

**HiddenMickey** · 05-02-2007, 12:34 PM

I feel so bad for you guys.

I know that the administrators were following policy when they laid out Leon's punishment, but I would think that they could be approached about his attending the trip to Washington. Knowing what they know to be unintended mistakes on Leon's part (not intentional), and that he's been working hard at doing well in school and bringing up his grades, I would talk to them about it. Let them know that he really needs something to look forward to....and the trip was the motivating factor in his life.

Seems to me that there is a bit of a double-standard here. They know that Leon has been having a hard time because of his father's death, and that little things can throw him off track and make him upset or depressed. Yet they don't take that into account and depression is a medical condition. Yet, they will allow the fact that something upsets an autistic boy to count as a punishable offence. There was no physical contact on your son's part and it WAS unintentional by all accounts.

Maybe you need to have a medical letter from his therapist that lets his depression be taken into account in a similar way that the autistic boy's IED does. It may be something to look into?

By the way, was the boy punished for hitting Leon?

I wish I could HUG you and Leon through the internet.

Suzie · 05-02-2007, 01:14 PM

Well, I kinda had hoped that since things had changed somewhat that they would reconsider on their own. But the Principal was quite adament that he could not go - partly because Taylor was in his group (sharing a room and all) and that would probably not work out. And the school was paying for Leon to go in the first place (he had a "scholarship") since we could not afford it. However if he went and there was any trouble, they would send him home on the first flight at my expense.
Since I have to come up with money for his High School football which starts next
week ($300. plus gear), that would be bad.
I just hope that he and Taylor can work things out between themselves.
Suzie

**Colexis Mom** · 05-02-2007, 01:52 PM

**disneydani** · 05-02-2007, 02:57 PM

Teresa · 05-02-2007, 05:49 PM

Poor Leon! I feel for you both.
I am not a fan of mainstreaming everyone. It does sound as if Taylor is very high functioning. BUT - if ANYTHING can set him off, why is he going on this trip in the first place?
Is there a formal appeal process? To say "You run like the coach's son." Might be a compliment - how are they to know?
It just seems very unfair for the school to take such a hard stand on something so trivial. Do ALL of the kids that say something to Taylor and make him sad so he misses school get 12 points? AND - what happened to Taylor for attacking Leon? I know he's "special", but my feeling is that if he is in the classroom he needs to be able to follow the rules.

I know that I may sound harsh, but this is from experience with a special needs kid, and 3 different friends who each have at least one autistic child. They have chosen different paths for their kids (who all function at different levels), and the ones that mainstreamed are re-thinking their decisions.

Good luck to Leon. Let him know that if it were up all of the Passporters, he'd be going first class!

simbarel · 05-02-2007, 06:16 PM

Oh my gosh, I feel like I can't believe what I'm reading.

Your poor son!

saremca · 05-02-2007, 06:28 PM

My gosh, I feel so bad for Leon.

clio · 05-02-2007, 06:40 PM

I feel so sorry for Leon. It just doen't seem fair that he got such a harsh punishment for teasing that boy. It would seem to me that Taylor should have been given the same punishment for hitting Leon. Special needs or not, he has to follow the same rules as the rest of the class. I don't think that it's right the he gets to go on the trip and Leon doesn't. What happens if something happens to upset him on the trip? Does he get sent home or do they make another exception for him?

for Leon and you.
Liz

Cheriemek · 05-02-2007, 07:30 PM

for you and Leon ! You are both in my thoughts and

snoozin · 05-02-2007, 08:06 PM

I feel awful for your son (and you)... I work with Special Ed kids, and I don't care what their disability, they know the difference between right and wrong, and need to have consequences.

I would definately file a formal appeal in writing, to the School Board, if necessary. I personally feel your son has been "double charged" in points for the issue.

And what about Taylor... will he be sent home from the trip if there's an issue -- doubt it, sorry to say!

Please, please, go above the principal's head to the school board, if nothing else, to the papers; they'll sometimes get into something like this. Your son should not have to pay this type of price.

Hugs & Pixies... Susan