Mixed-Faith Marriages About This Page:

[simbarel]

This should probably go in the Family Room, but I just took this test to help fine-tune my beliefs, and plan to give the same quiz to my DF when he returns from tour. I'm expecting significant differences between his quiz and mine.



Without getting into gory details, are your beliefs similar or do they vary from your spouse/S.O./intended S.O.? I don't indend to start a war, rather I'm just looking to identify with other relationships and how you deal with belief differences. DF's core beliefs are based in decency and morality--even moreso than mine, and they're not necessarily governed by organized religion.



So, are you a half of a mixed-faith relationship, or are you well-acquainted with friends of a mixed-faith marriage? I'm not doubting my own relationship...I'm certain that DF and I are respectful enough of each other's beliefs, but I'm the type who likes to fall back on other people's stories. I appreciate any help you all can give, thanks!

[Dumbo]

I know one mixed faith couple. She was raised in the Baptist Church and he was raised in the Catholic Church. They have raised their daughters in both faiths. I really think this has confused the children because the faiths are very different.

My DH and I didn't go to the same church but are core beliefs are the same. One example of how my beliefs won out was at Christmas. It's no big thing just that when I was young my brother and I were allowed to stay home all day on Christmas. DH's parents dragged them to the relatives. It was hard for DH's parents and the rest of the family to understand why we wanted to let our 2 DSs be home all day on Christmas. My DSs have the same memories of childhood at Christmas that I had.

I think once you're married the 2 of you will decide how you want to do things. I wouldn't worry about the differences now unless they are very different.

[DVC_Don]

We were a mixed faith marriage. DW was raised Catholic and I was raised Congregationalist. I agreed to the service at the Catholic church and the priest agreed to waive the Mass portion saying "Heck, Don's family won't have a clue what's going on then". That upset my wifes Mom, but the priest told her to basically butt out, but nicely. He was a nice guy. I did agree to raised any children in the Catholic faith. This arraingment worked for several years.

Fast forward to children. We had moved through 2 states by then. The local Catholic priest refused to baptise the children unless I converted to the Catholic faith. I considered this as voiding my original contract.

At the time, I was serving on our towns ambulance corps alongside with the local Lutheran pastor. We talked with him, visited the church and attended services there for a few months. We then united our family in the Lutheran Church.

[mrsmaup]

I think that as long as you both have the same moral convictions, then you will do okay.

I think the biggest hurdle to "mixed faith" marriages, is children. NOT having them, but not working out before hand how to raise them.

Alot of people who were raised in their faith, fall away and think it wont matter UNTIL they have children and then they each want their children raised in their faith(Catholic and protestant or Jewish and Christian, etc) and that can cause HUGE problems.

As long as you and your fiance work out all the possibles regarding any future children, and how to celebrate holidays, then you should do just fine. Lots of people who are say a Christian marry a non believer and their marriages can last many years as long as their is a healthy respect for each other's decisions and beliefs(or non beliefs).

In my case, my husband and I are from the same religious background(both Christians raised in teh methodist church), we both switched to the same church after marriage(Baptist) and we both have the same morals and beliefs in things like abortion, the death penalty, marriage vows, etc. To use a biblical term, we were "equally yoked". It made it easier, but it would have worked regardless, because we respect each other and would have respected each other's religion or differences.

Respect and pre-marital counseling to work out the "what if's" are the key. You have both, so you will be just fine.

[luvnwdwgal]

My DH is Catholic as well as our DS, but I very rarely go to Church. I occasionally went as a child to Methodist Church. DH was brought up to go to Church every week and still does. DS, now that he's working and in college has a hard time finding time to go but occasionally will go with his Dad. It has never been an issue for the two of us. We respect each other and have been very happily married for 22 years.

[AKLRULZ]

Fortunately my wife and I were both attending Methodist churches when we met and were married and we both had open minds when God called us to the Assembly of God faith. I know the whole mixed faith issue can be an obstacle but remember that love conquers all.

[Laughaholic]

My dad is Protestant and my mom is Catholic. Me and my brother were raised Catholic. (I guess that should be my brother and I?)

Kristin

[Chrissi]

I really enjoyed the test you posted. The findings were interesting. Much as I expected - it confirmed that I'm a neo-pagan. (I prefer just pagan.)



DH was raised in a mixed-faith family - some Catholics, some Methodists, and some others. He and I have never clashed over matters of religion as he's not particularly devout. He observes the tenets and sabbats and esbats with me out of respect and though we include our son, we don't assume that he will be a pagan or follower of any other faith until he's 18. At which time he can choose to perform the rite of passage to adulthood and paganism or explore the tenets of any other faith.



We observe the holidays and rituals of other faiths with our friends and family as they celebrate and practice them. My best friend is Jewish in a mixed-faith marriage. Her husband is the son of a Southern Baptist minister! Their differences have always come between their families, but they've been able to work it out between themselves and even include us in their celebrations and gatherings. That is important for them and us . It gives us all a greater sense of family when we can share our beliefs and our differences and revel in them while we celebrate together.

[ProChristo]

Well, Rachel, you won't be suprised to see that I fall into the "mainline to conservative protestant Christian" category. The quiz was cool. I'm going to e-mail it to D.B. As a "mainline to conservative protestant Christian" I'll tell you that the apostle Paul warns about being "unequally yoked". In other words, it's often difficult for a Christian and a non-Christian to be married as they may have a lot of heartache due to different priorities and beliefs, and God doesn't wish anyone's marriage to be filled with such heartache. Some couples have a much easier time of it than others. It probably depends on how close your beliefs are to start with. I know you and DF have talked extensively about all this and you seem truly happy to work together on it. I'm sure you'll come to an arrangement you can both be happy with.

Our neighbors growing up were a catholic/baptist match. They agreed to raise all the boys as catholics and all the girls as baptists. The result was major confusion. Now, none of the kids (adults and teens) attend either church.

[simbarel]

[ QUOTE ]




Our neighbors growing up were a catholic/baptist match. They agreed to raise all the boys as catholics and all the girls as baptists. The result was major confusion.

[/ QUOTE ]



Ok, now that's weird.



And so was your situation, Don. That sounds like a bad priest. To get married I had to promise to do everything in my power to raise any kids Catholic. The most heat DF got to convert from "non-practicing" to "practicing" was when the priest gave him a little guilt over letting me go to church by myself. I actually don't mind going by myself, I always thought religion was a personal thing and I don't want the man I'm marrying to be uncomfortable. He respects my choices and that's good enough for me. I guess I should feel lucky that we don't have his family giving him grief for marrying me!



I'm glad you all liked the test. But a couple questions: What does "mainline" mean? And are Quakers really that common?

[AKLRULZ]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm glad you all liked the test. But a couple questions: What does "mainline" mean?

[/ QUOTE ]



I'm thinking middle of the road. Not left or right of center, not ultra conservative or ultra moderate.

[Lorelei528]

both of my brothers married outside the faith that we were raised in. The ironic thing is I have never even dated anyone of the same faith.

I was raised in a jewish family, one who were not very religous but enough that I was bat-mitzvahed. That said, in college, I realized that organized religion was not for me (it never really was) and adhere more to pagan/wiccan beliefs as well.

The interesting thing is when I was taking the quiz, I wasn't sure how my answers would come out, but the religion i matched to 100% was neo-pagan, so that confirmed it once again for me!

[mattjs]

Great test. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestant for me. Which is right on. I'm Protestant (Episcopal) and DW is Catholic. No problems here. But then, admitedly it was never really an issue for us. Our core beliefs, desires, goals are so close.



As for our future children...marrying in the Catholic church, I did agree to raise our children in Catholicism. But, sort of like Don, DW and I both consider that contract voided with the uncovering of rampant child abuse and it's unconscionable cover up. So very sad, but so very true. That's a whole other topic, but they've got a long ways to go to win our confidence back. We've actually considered a Lutheran church as something slightly different for the both of us. Moreso for DW than me, but still.



And by the way, DW and I'll never agree on everything But it's great to be challenged by her. I'm a better person for it.

[AKLRULZ]

[ QUOTE ]
This should probably go in the Family Room, but I just took this test to help fine-tune my beliefs, and plan to give the same quiz to my DF when he returns from tour.

[/ QUOTE ]

By the way - outstanding quiz. I didn't have time to take it until now and I'm sure you'll be surprised (not) to know I'm a Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant. Thanks for that link!

[GoofyMom]

I took that quiz, but I'm puzzled about how to interpret it. If I'm reading the results right, it suggests that I'm a 100% Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (ok - not too surprising to me - that's what I would classify myself having attended first the United Church and then settling into a Mennonite Brethren church), 100% Orthodox Quaker (uh, the guy on the oatmeal box???), 99% Eastern Orthodox, and 99% Roman Catholic. How in the world did I manage that?