somebody please tell me this gets easier.... About This Page:

[m_green]

Don't want to sound like a broken record, but I guess I'm looking for reassurance that things get easier when you get divorced. I'm having a hard time with it. I think I'm moving on, then I talk with DH, and I figure out that I haven't. Twice yesterday he told me I was his best friend. He also twice made reference to us possibly getting back together in the future.

I keep asking myself why this is all happening. I wish I could hate him, or that he hated me. I know getting along is better for our kids, but it is killing me at the same time. Half the time when we see each other, it's like nothing is different.

In our county you have to take parenting classes before you can get divorced. (Isn't that one ironic??) They were talking in there about how the kids usually are happy about the divorce since it stops the parents from fighting. I sat there and thought how that didn't apply to us, as we didn't fight. He just moved to his mom's, and then into an apartment.

I guess I know how he felt 18 years ago when I broke up with him. (He was a senior in high school, and I was a freshman in college.) We stayed best buds then, and we got back together two years later. I'm so afraid that is what is going to happen this time. I don't know that I can deal with it this time. I think it would throw the kids for a loop...

Does this get bettere?

[AKLRULZ]

Gosh, Michelle, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I can't tell if it gets better or worse, but I'm wishing you peace and blessings to get through it.

[Chrissi]

I'm not sure if this will help, but I'll tell you anyway. My dad has been married and divorced twice. The first wife was my mom. The second is my step-mom and still a close friend to this day. When my step-mom left my dad it was a total shock. She moved out while I was visiting my mom's house and my dad was at work. We had no idea it was coming. My dad had a terrible time adjusting because he had no idea what had gone wrong and no opportunity to fix it before she left. As it turns out, the age difference was too mch for them to deal with (my step-mom is only 12 years older than me). I had an easier time adjusting because my step-mom continued to take me out shopping and for lunch on weekends and what-not. One day she asked me how my dad was and I told her. She and I agreed that maybe the three of us should get together once in awhile. That it might help my dad move on. They eventually got to the point where they were having breakfast together every Sunday morning (not being a morning person, I slept through breakfast most of the time). They continued getting together for breakfast for 2 years (until my step-mom remarried). They occasionally still get together for lunch or breakfast, but both have moved on.

What I'm trying to say is seeing each other frequently doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Any kind of routine time spent together with or without the kids can help you feel a sense of normalcy under abnormal circumstances. Don't get discouraged, but remember if you don't want to get back together to make it clear that you're doing this just to help both of you make the transition to separate lives without acting like the other partner doesn't exist.

[LuvMK]

Michelle,

After a while you will reach a new place that will define your relationship with your ex. Hopefully it will be a good place where you are getting along for the kids but not playing games with each other. This is the hardest time as you try to figure out what your relationship is going to be from now on. Hang in there - it takes time.

Hope you have enjoyed your Mother's Day with the kids!

Terri

[m_green]

Thanks everyone. I do better when I don't see or have to talk to DH... it's easier to accept. But, that's not what we do. We still talk, and there is no set time for him to see the kids, just upon agreement of us.

We did have a good mother's day. The kids & I took my MIL out for brunch. MIL took DD shopping yesterday for Mother's day & my b-day. DH came by this afternoon with an azalea plant for me from the kids & a card. He said they talked about it the other day. DD said they didn't, that it was dad's idea. (That one, I believe. It probably hit him today that the kids weren't able to get me anything.)

Thanks for listening to me!

[Janet 46]

Michelle, we're here with a sympathetic shoulder to cry on if you need it, or an atta-girl when you need a pat on the back. Just keep posting to let us know how you're doing.