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Growing strong children in a difficult economy.

Posted 03-22-2010 at 09:05 PM by Sandra Bostwick
Updated 03-25-2010 at 07:16 AM by Sandra Bostwick
It's a mistake not to give people a chance to learn to depend on themselves while they are young.

Walt Disney

I really like this quote from Walt. I think that one of the biggest barriers to going after goals can be the fear that you just can't depend on yourself. I see that even more in this economy, when budget cuts and layoffs seem to be picking people off like a sharpshooter from a tower.

No one on the ground REALLY feels safe.

I do notice that people who believe that they can always manage no matter what happens are calmer and generally able to think more clearly. There are some people who seem to have resilience in anticipation of a problem.

They just seem to know that, whatever comes, they will deal.

When I ask these people how they managed this, a few tell how they developed it through life experience, but most people for whom resilience came naturally tell about a childhood where they were taught to depend on themselves.

Wouldn't it be great to set a goal to help children learn to depend on themselves so they can have an easier time later?

That's all I have today and THAT is today's blog entry.
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Posted in Walt's Wave
Views 3542 Comments 8 Email Blog Entry
Total Comments 8

Comments

  1. Old
    Christine43's Avatar
    Wow, I was just talking to someone about this. She wanted to know how I managed with the kids over the years with some difficulties I've had over the years. I won't bore you with the details but my life has certainly been difficult at times starting from childhood. I told her I thought resilience was developed over the years and I got stronger with each decade. You know that saying about hard times building character? I guess it's true but there were some times in my life where I was thinking "Got enough character...thanks". Now, as a parent, it's a delicate balancing act. You have to know where to step in and when to just watch and sometimes watch them fall. I think I just keep training them until I think they can handle it by themselves. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and requires a little more training. It's a harder road with disabled kids but that varies greatly as well.
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-23-2010 at 11:20 AM by Christine43 Christine43 is offline
  2. Old
    TNTWheels's Avatar
    "It's a harder road with disabled kids but that varies greatly as well." Yeah but if we are challenge we work hard for that goal like I did for living on my own, Driving my own van, working to help others. I had a mentee that didn't get challenge as he grew up and now he won't work hard for his goals he just expect other to do things for him. I told him no one will help you unless you show you can do it on your own. I tried to give him a goal but it was not working. Anyways that road could get easy if the goals are given at an early stage in their life. Mine was at age 16 and I was ready for the challenge. Plus when my step sister came in the family (she was 11 at the time) I wanted to be the big brother for once ( I have two big sisters) so I decided that I wanted to show off and got my sock on myself and my step mother said see you can do things for your self. She challenge my character and it made me a better person. Instead of being disable person I became an able person who happens to use a wheelchair.
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-24-2010 at 02:01 AM by TNTWheels TNTWheels is offline
  3. Old
    Sandra Bostwick's Avatar
    Todd said:


    "It's a harder road with disabled kids but that varies greatly as well." Yeah but if we are challenge we work hard for that goal like I did for living on my own, Driving my own van, working to help others. I had a mentee that didn't get challenge as he grew up and now he won't work hard for his goals he just expect other to do things for him. I told him no one will help you unless you show you can do it on your own. I tried to give him a goal but it was not working. Anyways that road could get easy if the goals are given at an early stage in their life. Mine was at age 16 and I was ready for the challenge. Plus when my step sister came in the family (she was 11 at the time) I wanted to be the big brother for once ( I have two big sisters) so I decided that I wanted to show off and got my sock on myself and my step mother said see you can do things for your self. She challenge my character and it made me a better person. Instead of being disable person I became an able person who happens to use a wheelchair.



    Posted Today at 02:01 AM by TNTWheels

    Here's me:

    That thought that I put in bold is EXACTLY what I am talking about. Parents, teachers, and administrators think they are doing the right thing by giving an accommodation instead of rehabilitating the problem that CAUSED THE NEED for the accommodation. Sometimes they do it because they don't want to see the person get too frustrated, sometimes they do it because that is the only way to have that person meet the school standards in the time allotted, sometimes they do it because it is cheaper to give a student a copy of class notes than it is to teach them the skills to listen and write the notes themselves.

    What happens, though, is you end up with a young adult who, unless they can afford to have a personal assistant follow them through college AND all future work, is going to never meet his potential.

    I think it isn't so much as they WON'T work hard, which is lazy, but they CAN'T work hard because they lack the skills.

    I think that is part of why the country is failing economically...poor planning, poor higher-level problem solving skills, a lack of accountability and, frankly, bad basic math skills.

    How does this relate to goals and dreams, which is the subject of this blog?

    Well, the biggest dreamer in the world will not get anywhere if there are no practical thinking and doing skills! The best goals in the world will never see the light of day if the person never developed the skills to move toward them.

    I've gotten a few PMs from people who feel they can't contribute because this is so optimistic, and their situations are so limited and focused on basic survival. Usually, if I get ten PMs on an issue, there are at least ten others who feel the same way, but I decided not to PM about it. Since this was NOT one PM, but several, I started to look at the patterns and I realized that there is some wisdom in what is being said.

    No, I'm not going to give up my positive outlook, but I think I'm going to try and speak to this issue to some degree because you can't dream and set goals if you are preoccipied with keeping a roof over your head.
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-24-2010 at 07:40 AM by Sandra Bostwick Sandra Bostwick is offline
    Updated 03-25-2010 at 07:05 AM by Sandra Bostwick
  4. Old
    Christine43's Avatar
    Ok, my kids do have goals but they hinge on their disabilities. Like, right now, Perry's goal is to stop scripting quite so much. Tristan's goal for a while was to stop obsessing on something that was frightening him badly and Colin's current goal is to get out of the house. Their biggest goal is to be able to function well independantly in their adulthood and not use their disabilities as an excuse while still being aware of them.
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-24-2010 at 04:20 PM by Christine43 Christine43 is offline
  5. Old
    TNTWheels's Avatar
    WOW that need to be written in books sandy. Christine thank for not making your children more disable. Tell them that if they don't hinge on their disabilities people will respect them instead of feeling sorry for them.
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-25-2010 at 02:37 AM by TNTWheels TNTWheels is offline
  6. Old
    Sandra Bostwick's Avatar
    Christine said:
    Ok, my kids do have goals but they hinge on their disabilities. Like, right now, Perry's goal is to stop scripting quite so much. Tristan's goal for a while was to stop obsessing on something that was frightening him badly and Colin's current goal is to get out of the house. Their biggest goal is to be able to function well independantly in their adulthood and not use their disabilities as an excuse while still being aware of them.



    Posted Yesterday at 04:20 PM by Christine43

    I say:

    Those are REALLY good goals! They are specific, not too overwhelming, and great things to work on.

    Does Tristan have any strategies for overcoming those things that make him frightened? Is his obsessing based on trying to find a solution to the scary problem or a comfort for his fears? Obsessive thoughts can sometimes have a unifying purpose that the person stuck in the rut seems to think is helping the situation. For example, if he obsesses because he is afraid he will forget details of the thing that frightens him, he can write them down so he can take a break without forgetting them. Then, he can return to the problem later and all the details are on the paper instead of floating in his head. (That is just one example.)
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-25-2010 at 07:07 AM by Sandra Bostwick Sandra Bostwick is offline
    Updated 03-25-2010 at 07:11 AM by Sandra Bostwick
  7. Old
    Sandra Bostwick's Avatar
    Todd said:
    WOW that need to be written in books sandy. Christine thank for not making your children more disable. Tell them that if they don't hinge on their disabilities people will respect them instead of feeling sorry for them.



    Posted Today at 02:37 AM by TNTWheels

    Here's me:
    You know, my dream is to write books on subjects like this, but I can't seem to figure out how to move forward with that goal. I think this is especially important now because school programs and services are being cut so drastically. I'm afraid that parents, students, and anyone with a disability is going to have to do more self-advocacy, and self-help.
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-25-2010 at 07:12 AM by Sandra Bostwick Sandra Bostwick is offline
    Updated 03-25-2010 at 07:15 AM by Sandra Bostwick
  8. Old
    TNTWheels's Avatar
    yes that true.
    0 Pixie Dust
    Posted 03-26-2010 at 01:39 AM by TNTWheels TNTWheels is offline
 







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