There are supposed to be 5 stages of grief

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Sometimes, though, facts are facts, there is no one to be angry with, there aren't any deals to be made, there is no real point to getting depressed, and you have no CHOICE but to accept because, well, what you have is what you have.

If you've worked to cultivate a sort-of Zen attitude, where you try not to judge the events in your life as either good or bad, you might not go through the typical stages of loss.

If you've worked to cultivate a God centered attitude, where you believe a higher power really does have your back when you look at the big picture, you might not go through the typical stages of loss.

If you've worked to cultivate an attitude in alignment with nature, where cycles, tides, and seasons ebb and flow in such a way that you believe the universe is in balance even when you have floods, earthquakes, war, and illness in front of your eyes, you might not go through the typical stages of loss.

Well, I seem to have assimilated those philosophies and more into my thinking and, I have to say, it makes me a strange case when there is a loss.

The only situation, I think, that really makes me uncomfortable is being stuck, or when there are unknowns. I hate not knowing what is next! Uncertainty is a stage of loss, for me, that I still work hard to make peace with.

After the uncertainty stage comes the picking up the pieces stage.

That will be my project today.

Quite a bit of my routine became caretaker. It started with two cats three medications and eye drops, some two times a day. If you've ever tried to get a cat to take meds or sit still for eyedrops, I'll tell you THAT is a project. Once you get the pills into the cat, you really do need to sit there and make sure they aren't spit out. I won't even go into the end-stage regime for Smokey's constipation...sorry I even mentioned it, I know that is TMI.

For four or five days, I spent most of the day attached to a cat. She always liked to sleep on me, but lately, I also carried her around because I knew the end was near. I knew she'd want to die with me holding her, and I am SO thankful, is just the way it happened.

So what about my blog project?

I said I would add to my Ecotour trip report every Friday, an intentionally simple goal, I was able to keep up with. Here it is My_First_Trip_Report_Key_Largo_Ecotour. This is simple once I figured out how to post photos online. My other project is to decorate my new therapy room at The Calais School, which is actually going well.

Soon it will be time to raise the bar and come up with some projects that are a bit more ambitious, but first things first.

Time to put some effort into tearing down the parts of the house that started looking like a cat hospital. Time to get rid of the cat bed that is too far gone to be used by Coco, the other cat.

Time to think about what I will do with the mental energy freed up by not worrying about what to do next for Smokey and, frankly, the constant worry that I might not be home when she passed.

This Blog is actually a few projects within a project. A daily blog, which I am keeping up with, even though I tend to ramble when I suffer a loss or a crisis.

(I hope I don't get pulled over for a BWG..Blogging While Grieving)

I'm also trying to see if this blog can help people with projects but life is happening to them as well.

SO MANY PROJECTS!

Today, though, my main project is to put away all Smokey's things that need to be put away. To wash all the things that need to be washed from the ordeal. And to clear a path to move forward.

Sorry about the rambling again. I promise I'll be back to my old self soon.

Have you moved forward with your project or is life happening?