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Are the connections we make and sustain online REALLY friendships?
From time to time I like to make quick check-in calls to people I have not spoken to in a while.
I can be a real long-talker, but sometimes I like to make a quick call just to tell someone I hope they have a nice day. I try to keep the call about them, and keep it short.
I call them reach-out calls, and, while I'm not sure how they make the other person feel, they always lift me up. I guess I have to call them reach-in calls.
I'm also one of those quirky people who give total strangers a heartfelt hello and a sincere smile, just in case they need one. Often, people swear they know me from someplace, but I know they are just mistaking being warmly greeted for recognition.
Again, that makes me feel happy, so it is a totally selfish act. I really am entirely self-serving. It is just a good thing that making people feel at home on the Earth makes me feel happy. If pushing people and spitting on them made me happy, I'm afraid that is what I might be doing all day.
I wonder, though, is it possible to smile through a computer?
Some people don't think so. Once, during a church meeting, the congregation discussed how to bring more people in. Part of the problem was how to reach people, and part of the problem was the fact that the church is a teeny tiny little building. (Here are a few links to photos, so you can see how teeny-tiny it is.)
http://njchurchscape.com/Whippany-FirstPres.html
http://www.whippanychurch.com/
Well, I suggested opening a virtual Sunday School room where we could do an online discussion or study. One of the long-time members was very against the idea and made a good point... that sitting at home alone in front of a computer screen was not her idea of being in a group.
She had a good point. I guess it got me thinking. Are the connections we make and sustain online REALLY friendships?
That really is a pertinent question these days. Well, posts are certainly different from phone calls. They are even different from the cheery greetings we might offer to a stranger or an acquaintance. Does a cheery greeting left on someone's page or a response in a thread REALLY matter? Does it count?
I'm not even going to answer that one right now.
What do YOU think?
I can be a real long-talker, but sometimes I like to make a quick call just to tell someone I hope they have a nice day. I try to keep the call about them, and keep it short.
I call them reach-out calls, and, while I'm not sure how they make the other person feel, they always lift me up. I guess I have to call them reach-in calls.
I'm also one of those quirky people who give total strangers a heartfelt hello and a sincere smile, just in case they need one. Often, people swear they know me from someplace, but I know they are just mistaking being warmly greeted for recognition.
Again, that makes me feel happy, so it is a totally selfish act. I really am entirely self-serving. It is just a good thing that making people feel at home on the Earth makes me feel happy. If pushing people and spitting on them made me happy, I'm afraid that is what I might be doing all day.
I wonder, though, is it possible to smile through a computer?
Some people don't think so. Once, during a church meeting, the congregation discussed how to bring more people in. Part of the problem was how to reach people, and part of the problem was the fact that the church is a teeny tiny little building. (Here are a few links to photos, so you can see how teeny-tiny it is.)
http://njchurchscape.com/Whippany-FirstPres.html
http://www.whippanychurch.com/
Well, I suggested opening a virtual Sunday School room where we could do an online discussion or study. One of the long-time members was very against the idea and made a good point... that sitting at home alone in front of a computer screen was not her idea of being in a group.
She had a good point. I guess it got me thinking. Are the connections we make and sustain online REALLY friendships?
That really is a pertinent question these days. Well, posts are certainly different from phone calls. They are even different from the cheery greetings we might offer to a stranger or an acquaintance. Does a cheery greeting left on someone's page or a response in a thread REALLY matter? Does it count?
I'm not even going to answer that one right now.
What do YOU think?
0 Pixie Dust
Pixie Dust
Tags: connections, friendships, message boards, online, passporter
Total Comments 9
Comments
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Friendships are built on common interests, sharing ideas, working through differences and accepting those differences so you can still have a relationship with that person.
When we were small, first day in Kindergarten or first day in Sunday School. We met others and usually picked one other child and we didnt know anything about them, didnt care how well off their parents were, where they lived, etc... So what did we do? We went up to the other child and said, "Will you be my friend?" Whether those friendships lasted or not it all starts with one person reaching out to the other. Being a friend usually means doubling happiness, dividing sorrows, looking forward to hearing from someone and when you don't call them to see how they are, etc... Most all of these things can be done online. Can you call it friendship? Being friends with someone usually means investing time and personal interest in another person because you choose to be a part of that person's life. When you don't want to anymore, you stop investing time and personal interest in that person and move on. Can any of this be applied to an online exchange to make it a "real friendship"? What do you think?0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-22-2009 at 09:18 PM by GoofEme 
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Well I would like to say yes because there are several people (on this board especially) who helped me get through a rough time recently. But as I sit and read TR's and write my opinions I ask how is that different from feeling a part of a good book? Take the Lakeside Chronicles (thanks Sandy for that introduction) I feel connected with those characters but obviously I do not have a relationship with fictional characters! However in the same breath that I say that it can seem unreal because it is not in person I think part of being in a friendship or having a relationship with another person involves enriching the peoples lives that you touch and I find that many of my Online friends do that quite often!!! They introduce me to a new hobby or listen to me when I am upset without judgement and I find some of those connections to mean more to me than with some of the people I see on a regular basis. I guess in the end I can see both sides of this issue but the eternal optimist in me believes my online friends to be genuine connections because that is how I feel about them!!!!0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-23-2009 at 11:24 PM by drabbito
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Very interesting comments on that. Please keep the comments coming. I'm curious to see how others feel on this issue. It really is a fairly new situation, since online communities are fairly new if the grand scheme of things.0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-24-2009 at 08:05 AM by Sandra Bostwick
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In some ways I want to say no, that online relationships are not really friendships. Because for the most part I will not meet any of you guys and spend true quality time together, which is one thing I consider true friends to be. But then, as mentioned above, I also think that it is still basically the same thing. Whether you ever meet or speak in person, you are still fulfilling some of the same basic qualities of being a friend.
About leaving a cheery greeting on somebody's page - I was in a really bad mood one day, thinking how I was going to whittle down my friends list. In particular, one or two people who asked me to be their friend but have never ever not once ever left me a message. So I was thinking why would they do that? (I never deleted anybody as my friend, btw.) But then just a few days after that, one of these very people that I was thinking of deleting wrote me back telling me how much she appreciated a message I had sent her, she was going through a tough time, it made her day a little brighter, etc. (It wasn't even a personal message - just a general one that I was sending to a lot of people on my friends list.) So yes, these little things we do actually do make a difference out there in cyber-space. And now I have changed my mind about taking people off my friends list - you never know when you are making a difference, and when somebody you've never met will actually need that message.0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-24-2009 at 05:28 PM by christiejay
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CHristieJay, you make a good point on your last comment.
Very often, people will be deeply influenced by someone else, but never get around to saying anything. In your case, you were ready to "unfriend" someone because you thought they weren't very vested in the relationship... if that is what you'd call it.
Some people just are not real good at regular maintenance, I guess.0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-24-2009 at 06:22 PM by Sandra Bostwick
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Of course I recognize that not everybody can, or is willing to, send a message to all their friends on a regular basis. But as I am making my rounds to my friends' profile pages, it amazes me how I'm pretty much the only one sending some people any messages. I look at their friend lists and there are plenty of people listed who are active on the boards. It's just sad how long some people go in between receiving any new messages. Reminds me of your post a long time ago on the boards, where you talked about how sad it was to go to somebody's profile page and read "X has not made any friends yet". I guess some people are not going to send anything, they just want the friend points. But I think you should send out some kind of message every once in a while, especially if you are the one initiating the friendship! Okay I'll quit now!
0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-25-2009 at 06:31 PM by christiejay
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Well, there are so many ways to communicate here. I think some people do a great service with information posts, but never post any profile messages. Some people love to PM. Some people join in with various thread discussions. I like that everyone can participate in their own way. (But, I have to say, I do SO look forward to your messages!)0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-25-2009 at 11:06 PM by Sandra Bostwick
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Very true, there is definitely a wide range of choices and ways for people to contribute to the community. Hopefully everybody will find their favorite spot!
0 Pixie Dust
Posted 08-26-2009 at 04:49 PM by christiejay
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This site is a favorite spot for me!0 Pixie Dust
Posted 10-26-2009 at 04:41 PM by Sandra Bostwick
