Every day I deal with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Social Phobia, Generalized Anxiety, Major Depression, and Hereditary Spastic Paraparesis. However, I personally only “suffer” from a mild case of depression. So why do I deal with all those other things? Simple, I am a mom, girlfriend, and caregiver to two wonderful people that are diagnosed with these mental and physical problems. Disney trips are a chance for all of us to forget about the diagnoses for a little while, to an extent.

I am the trip planner. I make sure that my boyfriend gets face time with his favorite characters in an environment where he is more comfortable. This means that I reserve a dinner or breakfast seating at one of those restaurants that has character dining with Stitch or Chip and Dale. (Although, I did surprise myself this last time with a breakfast at 1900 Park Faire where Tigger was in attendance. I really didn’t know he would be there.) If we have to wait in line, he feels rushed and anxious because everyone is “watching” him while he visits with 626 or the ‘munks. Although, one of my favorite photos from his first Disney trip is that first meeting with Chip and Dale outside Innoventions in Epcot. He was able to forget his anxiety and depression for a few moments and be a kid.

I also make sure that my daughter gets time with Goofy and that she is able to enjoy her favorite rides. I push her wheelchair and get her to Splash Mountain or to Goofy’s Barnstormer (when it was there). I worry about how much walking she does because I don’t want her to spend the nights in pain because she over did the walking. She doesn’t always like it when I tell her she needs to use the wheelchair at Disney, but she always thanks me at the end of the day.

However, I have to remember that it is MY vacation too. I get so caught up and trying to make sure that the two of them have all the accommodations they need to enjoy the trip that I forget to make sure we do something I want to do as well.

In 2007, my daughter and I made our first trip to Walt Disney World. Since it was her first visit, I tried to make sure she got to do everything she wanted to do. She didn’t have a wheelchair at that time, so she walked from 7:00 or 8:00 AM to whenever Evening Extra Magic Hours were over.I spent the trip concerned about her legs and making sure that she found some relief with her ibuprofen and  hot baths at night. I wanted to explore World Showcase, but because her legs were hurting so much by the time we went to Epcot, we only visited Mexico before returning to Future World.

In 2009, my boyfriend joined us for another trip to Walt Disney World. Once again, I wanted to explore World Showcase. This time, my daughter had a wheelchair, but my boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with crowds in World Showcase the day we were at Epcot due to his social phobia. Once again, the thing I most wanted to do was put to the back burner. I saw it as a reason for another trip to Walt Disney World.

In 2011, I FINALLY realized that I was spending so much time making sure that they enjoyed their vacation, that I had moments where I didn’t enjoy it very much. I found that I would feel a little resentment that we didn’t get to do what I wanted to do while at Disney. So this last time I “put my foot down” that I was going to explore World Showcase. If they didn’t want to explore it with me, then I would meet them either at the resort or at our dinner reservation.

It was “quick” exploration. I didn’t go inside to all the pavilions. However, I did make sure to enjoy something in each country. Admittedly, a few of those enjoyments were of the adult beverage variety, but other enjoyments were things like the attention to detail in the buildings. In Germany, I indulged myself in a chocolate and caramel dipped pretzel stick. (YUM!!!!) In the outpost I enjoyed watching the artisan carve animals from wood. Exploring the World is one of my favorite memories from this last trip. Both of my loved ones joined me in my exploration. They each found something they liked and enjoyed. I even heard them both say that we needed to spend more time in World Showcase next time we go.

What I had finally realized is that these are my vacations too. While I still need to worry about their hidden needs and make sure that they are able to enjoy themselves despite these needs, I also need to enjoy myself and relax. As my daughter gets older, she is also becoming more independent. I can see that on our next trip, she will probably want to go off and explore on her own for a while.

As caregivers to family or friends with Hidden and Special Needs, we often forget to take some time for ourselves. This is a common caregiver lament. Every article I have ever read about HOW to be a good caregiver tells us to take some time for ourselves. However, we rarely do this. Many caregivers have the same line of thinking that I do: “If I don’t take care of it, then who will?” We often put our needs aside to focus on the needs of those we love. (This is a common parental lament as well.) Vacations are meant for everyone to relax a bit. They are a chance to do something other than worry about someone’s special needs. Vacations are meant to give us a respite from our every day lives. As caregivers, we need to recognize that it is not just our loved ones’ vacations. It is OUR vacation too.

So next time you are planning a trip to Disney, or anywhere else, make sure to plan in something YOU want to do. If the others don’t want to do it, that’s fine; enjoy your alone time. If they do want to join you, then it is a happier memory because they took part in something you wanted to experience. So what am I planning for our next Disney trip? Well, we are discussing a Disney cruise and I see some spa time in my future.